Is Your Marriage Mundane or Marvelous?

Ellen Mongan offers tips couples can use to work together to improve their marriage.

Is your marriage so routine that you are beginning to take each other for granted? Have you heard your husband tell the same stories so often that you finish them before he gives the punch line? Does your date night consist of a basketball game for two with children? Do you greet your guy each night in a sweat suit, carrying a laundry list of complaints? If your answer to these questions is “yes,” then this article is for you.

How do you move your marriage from the mundane lane to the marvelous one? It takes a journey; it will not be an overnight road trip. When speaking to couples about marriage, Patrick and I share that in order for a marriage to work, you must never stop working at it. Let’s face it marriage takes lots of work! Ignoring your marriage sends you down the road labeled “Mundane.”

Changes in marriage work best when spouses work toward the common goal: oneness. You cannot pull the wagon alone especially if your husband is in the wagon waiting to be pulled along. The Holy Spirit is your guide along the way.

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Here are some tips we have found helpful:

Prayer. The most important key to a healthy marriage is prayer. If praying together is new to you as a couple, start with saying an Our Father before leaving your bed in the morning. Then build up to the readings of the day or praying the Liturgy of the Hours together. The sacrament of marriage gives the grace to live out our marriage, and prayer keeps the grace flowing.
Communicate. Carve out time to get alone together and share what is working and what is not in your relationship. You may both be surprised by your spouse’s answers. Listen anyway! Maybe one person is aware that the mundane has set in while the other is content.
Balance. You are two people sharing one life. Make sure you are giving each other breathing room as well as together time. You never want to smother your brother. Balance in life is not an easy thing to accomplish, so re-evaluate often.
Needs. Your spouse cannot meet all your needs. Sometimes God uses girlfriends, mentors, spiritual directors, or your mom to help you sort through what is going on in your own heart. If your husband is a couch potato, join the gym and go without him.
Self-Care. Consider the fact that you may be in a rut. Maybe the stress of back-to-back babies, no time to yourself, or no time to pray has exhausted you. Take time to replenish. Go on retreat, take a mini-vacation, or do a mommy makeover. Self-care benefits your spouse as well as you.
Languages of Love. Read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Maybe you have not learned how to love each other in each other’s love language.
Forgive. Nothing dulls a marriage faster than harboring forgiveness or built-up bitterness. Go to Confession, talk to a friend, or sign up for a marriage weekend. You may need professional counseling. Check out Retrouvaille.
Dates. Schedule a date night each week. If you are opposites, like my husband and me, take turns planning the date night. It does not matter what you do, as long as you do it together. It does help if you are enjoying yourself.
Discover. Do something you always wanted to do together: take scuba diving lessons, learn a language, take a class, or start a business. As you grow together in the activity, you will grow together as a couple.
Remember. In the Song of Songs you read the story of falling in love as a man meets the woman of his dreams. He is head-over-heels smitten with her. Remember when that was you and your mate? Begin again to romance that man that God gave you to “have and to hold.”
Appearance. Put your best foot forward. Wear what he likes and show up daily, clean, groomed, and with a dash of perfume. Accessorize with virtue. Joy is contagious, so sport a smile.
Couples in Christ. Surround yourself with godly couples. We have other couples who get together with us monthly. We laugh out loud, share about the Lord, and enjoy each other. Healthy marriages need godly fellowship.

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Changes in marriage work best when spouses work toward the common goal: oneness. #CatholicMom

Is it time for you to change lanes? Ask the Lord what you need to work on. Then put on your blinker and cross over from mundane to marvelous. Will it take work? Of course it will, but it is worth the effort. God will provide the grace.

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