Joy: Where Is It and How Do I Get Me Some?

In an excerpt from her book, Christine Hanus admits that joy can sometimes be elusive — especially to the melancholic personality — but finds reasons to rejoice! 

Mothers who are living in the midst of less-than-ideal circumstances can still find ways to enjoy life, but there is no denying that it takes effort. For a period of years in my life as a mother, I became depressed and anxious as a number of fairly serious problems assaulted our family. Heroism was not my goal ... just getting through the day was. 

I remember coming to the realization that I hated my life and making a determined effort to enjoy each good moment, though I knew it would be opposed to my feelings. One time in particular, I was hanging clothes on the line, and I said to myself, “I am going to enjoy hanging out these clothes!” With a deep breath and a spirit of determination, I took a pair of wet jeans from the laundry basket and energetically shook them out. As I did so, a dime flew out of one of the pockets and sharply flicked me on the cheek, surprising me into tears. It was like Satan, who is the father of lies, was telling me, “Face it ... your life sucks!” The evil one did not want me choosing joy. When we persevere in choosing to be joyful, even if it is done imperfectly, we win a victory over ourselves and the evil one. 

Making an Act of the Will, Even When Your Temperament Won’t Cooperate 

Thankfully, those distressing circumstances in my life were eventually resolved, but I have always had somewhat of a melancholic temperament, and it isn’t always easy to be joyful or thankful. 

One day I heard a woman on Christian radio who was funny, inspiring, and unmistakably joyful. She was sharing that when she was a girl, her alcoholic father would come home at night, plastered and profane, but her mother, a believer, managed to instill in her daughter an optimistic attitude. Every morning this mother would wake her daughter with words like, “Good morning, darling! It’s going to be a beautiful day! I wonder what God is going to do for us today? What can we do for him?” 

As I have already indicated, the early morning does not find me at my best. As a young woman dreaming of a husband and children, I was idealistic about what family life would entail. I didn’t anticipate the reality of climbing out of a warm, friendly bed to deal immediately with a misplaced homework folder, a fussy four-year-old who is shivering with cold because he refuses to dress himself, a child who “hates oatmeal,” and the dreaded feeling that the baby is coming down with another cold. All of this and more before seven a.m.! My attitude, especially for the first fifteen minutes of the day, can be, “What’s the use in living?” Over the next half hour, it graduates slightly to, “I guess I’ll go on for another day.”   

The words that I heard this woman speak on the radio touched me as I thought about the power that I have to help my children “choose” joy by choosing it myself, no matter what my circumstances are. Starting each morning with a positive attitude seemed a logical place to start. I resolved to try it, though for upbeat words to come out of my mouth only minutes after waking up seemed like spreading jam on the insole of an old shoe. 

The next morning it was particularly hard to get out of bed. My husband woke me by wrapping his arms around me and holding me close for a moment. I remained unmoved and immovable. One refrain ran through my head, “Sleep come back! Sleep come back!” Aloud I whined, “Can’t I sleep until 6:40?” Pat got out of bed and said with matter-of-fact cruelty, “It’s 6:41.” 

Downstairs, as we all went about our morning business, I worked up a fraction of enthusiasm. I was going to start today to live in the joy of the Lord. I said brightly, “It’s going to be a beautiful day!” Three of the boys kept slurping down cereal, but Patrick Jr. looked up for a moment to say, “If it doesn’t rain.” 

“It will still be a beautiful day,” I answered, determined. Patrick tossed his empty cereal bowl into the sink and said, “What’s up with you?” as he left the room to go brush his teeth. He recognizes jam on old insole when he sees it. 

I have learned by experience that we can “choose joy” in ways that don’t try to rewrite our own personalities but will, nevertheless, combat melancholic tendencies. We can be taking good care of our families in so many ways, but if they know we are just doing our duty without any real joy in our lives, they may soon wonder if serving Christ is worth it. The fact is, the more we grow in our relationship with God and learn to love others unconditionally, the more we will see even the sacrifices we make as occasions of joy. To a saint who has reached perfection by God’s grace, everything is joy. 

Meditate 

Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4, RSVCE) 

Consider 

Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly. (G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy) 

Pray 

No matter what the circumstances, Lord God, I want to live joyfully, knowing that you are the source of every good thing and that you share your riches with me. 

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Copyright 2025 Christine Hanus
Images: Canva

Excerpt taken from Everyday Heroism: 28 Daily Reflections on the Little Way of Motherhood, 2023. Enter today to win a free copy of Christine’s book in her “Crazy Days of Summer” Giveaway. Drawing will take place on August 15, 2025.