Living in Tension

Deanna Bartalini looks at how living with the tension between now and the future is possible when we hold onto God’s mercy.

We often talk about the seasons of life as a way to determine where on the continuum of events people find themselves. Like many women, I am not in one single season of life at this time. I am in the middle of the most glorious and difficult times at the same time. My spiritual director reminded me that our faith is one that lives in tension. The Kingdom of God is here and to come. We sing our Easter Halleluiah under an image of the crucified Christ. Is our life ever all joy? I don’t say this to depress you, but to consider how we live in these times.

One way is to live in the present. To not focus on the “if, maybe, and perhaps” of the future but to simply look at what is in front of you and proceed accordingly.

I truly believe that is what we are called to do as people of faith.

When I was growing up, my grandfather and father had this saying: “'If, maybe, perhaps' are three little words that can make you crazy.” FYI, it’s an Italian saying, and that is not a direct translation, but I think you get the point.

For the past few months, my husband and I, with the rest of his family, have been working diligently to help his parents. We would move forward, and then someone would say, “But wait, what if ... or this might happen,” and then we would find ourselves almost going backward. I finally called a halt to the what-ifs. We would take all the information we had at this present time and make a decision on what is and go from there. Yes, we took into account that as people age, they often need more help, not less, but I refused to engage in conversations about worst-case scenarios that could happen if.

null

I cannot predict the future. In fact, no one can. Not even Jesus knows when He will come again. When we allow the “if, maybe, perhaps” to rule our decision-making, that is not prudence; it is fear, worry, and trying to control our situation. And yes, there is a line—a fine line that is easily crossed from reasonably thinking about the future to wanting to control the future or fear it. When we cross the line, we can become paralyzed, unable to move forward.

Living in the present when making decisions often means accepting and acknowledging not knowing the future. It means living in the tension of not having all the answers or seeing all the possible outcomes. It is a posture of open hands, giving it all to God and receiving what He gives you.

Click to tweet:
When we allow the “if, maybe, perhaps” to rule our decision-making, that is not prudence; it is fear, worry, and trying to control our situation. #CatholicMom

The season I am in is one of tension. I am celebrating the birth of our new granddaughter, watching our grandson start kindergarten, and anticipating our son getting married and my husband’s parents moving from their forever home to someplace new. There is no doubt that there are simultaneous beginnings and endings in each of those situations. And that is the tension, but each day, instead of wondering “if, maybe, perhaps,” I ask, “Lord, what is today’s task? How am I to be present? What do I need to do?”

I am trying, each day, sometimes each moment, to embrace the tension as necessary, like a guitar string needs the proper tension to form the correct note. I don’t always succeed, and my emotions can overwhelm me. So, then I try to take a break from all the tasks and the thinking and do something physical. I cook, I sew, I fold laundry, I tidy while listening to music.

I remember that “His mercy endures forever” (Psalm 136:1b). I do not know the future; I cannot control all the outcomes or possibilities, but I can rely on the mercy of God.

null