Making Space for Self-Care

Caregiving has taken its toll on Kathryn Pasker Ineck, but when she finally listens to her friends and family, she finds rest. 

I started reading again. 

I suppose that isn’t surprising. It’s the fact I stopped reading that is surprising. 

I am known for reading. Like, all the time. My parents used to demand that I watch a movie with the family and without a book. They grounded me from reading as a punishment. I often reward myself with reading for doing usual daily tasks. I consider reading on my darkened Kindle screen in bed to be essentially directed sleeping.  

Dreaming, really. 

Lately? I haven’t been able to focus enough to read.  

I didn’t realize it, though.  

I made up a lot of objectively true reasons for no longer reading: my smart phone has ruined me and made me jump from electronic activity to electronic activity. I’m too tired. I need to get other things done. I can listen to an audiobook and still “read” as I fall asleep.  

Maybe I just got tired of reading?  

A Chance Meeting 

At Daisy’s dance recital this past spring, I ran into another ballet mom I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. As we chatted and traded war stories, she mentioned that she realized that, after two rough years, she really needed to practice self-care. Once she began to take care of herself, her family members all did better; “When Mom starts taking care of herself, everyone else in the family does better, too!” Marina told me with a laugh.  

Self-care.  

Years ago, my sister-in-law Beata started asking me — a caregiver for a dear family member and a homeschooling mom of four — what I was doing for self-care. “Oh, I, um … try to take walks every day? Or watch a mystery documentary?” She would politely nod her head, but her eyes told me that she wasn’t convinced. And that she was concerned. 

Marina’s comment invited me to start thinking about what self-care means — and what Beata had been trying to convey to me. I discussed this with another friend, mentioning that I like to crochet while I stream TV shows in the evening. “That doesn’t work,” Abbey told me definitively. “You don’t have to think about crocheting anymore, your fingers just do it. You need to do something that totally engages your brain.” 

What is Self-care? 

Self-care feels like a trendy buzzword, so I asked Google to enlighten me. I found articles from health blogs, instructing me to exercise more, drink water, and sleep. Lose weight! Eat clean! Catholic blogs admonish that self-care is mainly selfish and that I need to spend more time in service. Popular psychology sites advise more massages and therapy.  

I know those things each have their place, but how was I to get more sleep or exercise when I am actively monitoring my family member? How do I leave the house to take a quick walk when he is unsteady on his feet and recovering from a seizure or concussion? And don’t get me started on scheduling a massage: Even if I could find the time for that, being touched causes me a lot more stress than not! 

Marina and Abbey’s comments niggled at me for a while, so I pulled out a paint-by-numbers kit Beata had given me and that I have been saving for when all my chores are complete. (You can’t have fun until the work is done, right? Spoiler: the work is never done.) Painting the tiny spaces into something bigger is so all-consuming that I am able to focus on the moment without listening to the chatter of my thoughts or noticing the mail cluttering the countertop.  

Rest 

Once I found that painting is not just fun but actually self-care, I picked up a novel (you know the kind: a beach read with very little meat and a lot of fluff — but intelligently witty in a Lorelai/Emily Gilmore sort of way). 

I felt myself relax to the very core.  

I baked gluten free strawberry muffins for Daisy and chocolate-chip cookies for Digit and Rooster. Rearranged the furniture in a couple of rooms. Began talking with my sister every morning on the drive to work.  

Guess what? Digit commented that it’s nice to see me happy again. That the past couple of weeks I seem more relaxed. 

Is it just reading? No, but it’s the collection of little decisions — every day — to make space for our favorite activites … and people. And to remember that sisters and friends can be the voice of reason when we can’t. 

If you are like me and looking for practical ways toward selfcare, maybe some of these ideas will spark inspiration! 

Self-care Ideas for Caregivers … or Humans in General 

Reading 

• Choose titles that allow you to forget about your circumstances — heavy reading might not be possible right now and that is absolutely okay!  
• Audiobooks can be great for some people. If your brain engages, go for it! 

Activities that Make You Think 

• Paint-by-numbers or complex coloring books  
• Needlework like embroidery, cross-stitch, crochet, and knitting
• Puzzles and board games  

Listen to Music 

• Music from a favorite time in your life can boost your mood.
• Background music allows your mind to wander and wonder.
• Christian selections can reinforce Mass and give you a positive earworm. 

Reach out for Community 

• Chat with a friend in the car — hands free! — instead of listening to a podcast. 
• Hang out with a friend. You can meet up for a walk, shopping, lunch, or Adoration. 

Prayer 

• Mass. Because, Jesus.
• Explore new prayer forms. 
• Pray for others when you feel too overwhelmed to pray for yourself. 

Counseling 

• Therapy can be a necessary tool when it comes to taking care of yourself.
• Be up front on the intake form: it’s okay to let them know your faith beliefs right off the bat. 

What's your favorite self-care strategy?

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Copyright 2025 Kathryn Pasker Ineck
Images: Canva