
Empty-nester Suzanne Beck takes a look back at her mothering successes — as well as the things that didn't go so well.
My husband and I have been empty nesters for quite some time now. The kids are all grown, the grandchildren live out of state, and we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like.
When the nest is empty, you see things differently than you did when it was occupied and full of the hustle and bustle of life. Reading other blogs and articles from moms still in the thick of things brings back grateful thoughts of things we did right, but also those I-could-have-done-it-differently thoughts.
I was very fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom when my kids were young; even when they started school I only worked part-time, which allowed me the freedom to do the school drop off and pick up, as well as summer activities. I have wonderful memories of being home with my kids: We had a lot of delightful adventures and some crazy times. It's especially funny when I remember something as a disaster — but my kids remember it very fondly!
What I did right
Here are a few things I did that worked well:
- Read aloud to them before bed, chapter book after chapter book.
- Played lots of games, worked jigsaw puzzles, frequented parks, and made plenty of time for silliness.
- Cooked and baked together, even with the littles sitting on the counter.
- Limited TV time to one hour a day, with only approved shows.
- Limited extracurricular activities each season: piano lessons, Boy Scouts, and a third activity of their choice — usually a seasonal sport.
- Gave them regular chores and enforced piano practice and homework time.
- Gathered at a family dinner every night, each of us talking about our day.
- On Friday nights, we ate out and went "bee-bopping" (window shopping) at the local mall.
- Made sure they had lots of time with their grandparents.
- Photographed almost everything; we have great scrapbooks!
What I could have done better
Now, I really don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the things I would have done differently, I’m very grateful for those years; but occasionally thoughts do pop into my head. If your nest is still full, here are three things I could have done differently: mistakes I might have made that, perhaps, you can learn from.
I worried about myself way too much.
Even though I loved being home with them, I was worried that I wasn’t contributing to society with a real job. I worried about what people thought — of me, of my kids, of my parenting. I worried about being out of shape, that the baby belly might never go away. Basically, I worried about never being good enough. If I had a do-over, I’d let all those things go and enjoy who I was, what God was doing with me, and through me, at the time ... and stop worrying!
I could have given them a better religious upbringing.
I was raised in a devout Protestant home and have been a Christian my whole life. But in my early 30s, which my children were fairly young, I started searching, eventually reading myself into the faith and converting to Catholicism, so I myself was somewhat spiritually preoccupied during their formative years.
We regularly went to Sunday church services and then Mass, prayed, and talked about God, but a child is an easy target, and Satan is sly and deceiving a "roaring lion" as Scripture says (I Peter 5:8). I could have done more organically: reading more Bible stories, more teaching about virtues, more thinking on the saints. Back then, I didn’t even consider that the evil one wanted my kids’ minds and hearts.
I didn’t realize that 18 years is a very, very short time.
I remember clearly when my boys were very young thinking, “Oh, my gosh ... 18 years?!” and thinking it seemed like an eternity. As you probably have already realized, even if you still have very young ones, the time just flies by and before you blink again, that 18 years will be gone. I wish I would have savored the moments more, read to them more, prayed with them more. As the saying goes: the days are long, but the [eighteen] years are short!
Above all, thank God and trust His plan
Of course, even as empty nesters, we have meaningful and full lives after kids, but I can honestly say, those were THE. BEST. YEARS. of my life (although most times I was too tired to realize it!). I'm very grateful that God allowed me those years, and I trust that He will overlook any of my failings. And if there were truly any failings, may He allow me to be an example to all of you!
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Copyright 2024 Suzanne Beck
Images: Canva
About the Author

Suzanne Beck
Suzanne Beck is an empty-nester mom of 6 children and step-children, most with spouses, as well as grandmother to 7. As a convert, she writes on various topics relating to motherhood and Catholicism, hoping to inspire future generations to embrace both with gusto and joy. She works part-time for Augustine Institute, and writes from home in Livermore CA.
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