Mourning with Our Lady of Sorrows

Facing a devastating diagnosis for her unborn child, Elizabeth Leon received holy consolation during a pilgrimage to Rome.

As a cradle Catholic, Mary has been in my life for as long as I can remember, but until I became a mother, she more like an intellectual concept than a person with whom I could have a relationship. Once I faced the complexities of marriage and mothering, however, she became my refuge, and I entrusted my children to her motherly care over and over again. As suffering entered our family, Our Lady of Sorrows flew to me and brought me intimacy with her and Christ in my deepest pain.

I had been married for several years when we starting saving up for a 5-year anniversary trip to Italy. When I found out I was pregnant at age forty-five, we moved the trip up to get away before life got very busy. Just three weeks before our departure, my prenatal testing revealed that our baby boy had an 87.7% chance of having Trisomy 18, always a life-limiting condition. Very few Trisomy 18 babies are born alive. Those that are rarely live more than a few hours or days. This diagnosis was devastating. Grief and fear were overwhelming as we faced the likelihood that our little boy, whom we named John Paul Raphael, was going to die.

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Our trip was no longer a vacation but a pilgrimage. We might never be able to take John Paul Raphael on a family vacation, but we could do Italy—just the 3 of us. Every church, every altar, every mass became an opportunity to lay our hearts and our need before God. We prayed at the tomb of St. Paul the Apostle, St. John Paul the Great, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Clare—so many warriors to intercede for one sweet small baby and his scared mommy and daddy. We prayed for a miracle of total health and healing and, at the very least, for the gift of him being born alive.

The day before we flew home, we had a whirlwind 24 hours in Florence. After seeing some of the big sights, we strolled through a neighborhood on our way to find lunch. We entered a beautiful square and decided to investigate a lovely church tucked off to one side. Inside, a striking statue stood at the end of the center aisle in front of the altar. Our Lady stood with seven long iron swords piercing her heart, her painful gaze looking down and away. I was captivated and slowly walked down the aisle towards her. Just then the bells rang and we were surprised but delighted to attend mass. We soon discovered that we were visiting this church with the statue of our pierced mother on September 15, the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows.

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It was no coincidence that we found this church on this day. Our Lady, deeply suffering her own seven sorrows, spoke to my own suffering heart. I was mesmerized and humbled by each of the swords and how they brutally tore through her body. Nothing we will ever face on this earth will come close to the suffering of Jesus or Mary, but our gentle mother knows that we live in a valley of tears and the sorrows in our life can be deep and profound. She does not leave us alone but calls us to unite our sufferings with hers and with those of her Son.

Mary knew my heart was being pierced. She knew our suffering as we waited for our baby and also gently prepared me for the suffering to come when John Paul Raphael died in my arms. The gift of finding that church and encountering Our Lady of Sorrows on her very feast day was such a consolation to me then and now. I feel Mary’s arms around me as I grieve the loss of our son, and am deeply devoted to Our Lady of Sorrows as my daily companion.

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Mary loves us with a mother’s heart and is calling us to come close and let her soothe our deepest wounds. #catholicmom

Mary is every mother who has ever lost a child. She is every mother who has ever wept at the world’s cruelty to her son or daughter. Mary longs to help you carry your suffering. She loves us with a mother’s heart and is calling us to come close and let her soothe our deepest wounds. She offers us an authentic example of vulnerability and trust as she surrendered to the life the Father had planned for her.