Moving On

Jake Frost ponders how to get away from the false promises of "if only" thinking.

It’s an age-old trap, but no matter how many times we fall for it, it always seems ready to suck us in once more. It’s the false promise of endless blue skies and easy days if only ... 

I could get that new job. 

Get that car. 

Retire.  

Go on that trip. 

Get all the kids were in school. 

Get that big house. 

Or ... fFill in the blank.  

Whatever “it” is, “it” is always changing. Because each time we finally attain “it,” surprise! Life still has challenges! Somehow, “it” didn’t solve all our problems. “It” didn’t change everything. We climbed the mountain, topped the ridge, only to find another mountain waiting.  

The climb continues. 

That can only mean ... the last “it” wasn’t really “it” at all!  

But, if I get over this one, then everything will be all downhill forever after. Easy street. No more stress, no more worry. Never have to climb another mountain. Just endless coasting. 

The thing is, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t face challenges. From the littlest person I know, who thinks it’s a terrible injustice that I won’t let her play with electric plugs, to the oldest. My Grandma once told me, when she was in her 90’s: “Growing old isn’t for wimps.” 

There are still family issues, children to worry about (even when they’re grown!), health issues.  

There is always something, for everyone.  

I remember Lou Holtz using a mountain as an analogy for life, noting that we have to climb, and climbing mountains is hard. It always involves struggle. And with mountains, he said, there are only two directions we can go: up or down. So if you’re not working hard to get up the mountain, if instead you find yourself coasting, you know which direction you’re headed in. 

In our families, in our parenting, I think part of what that means is to just get on with things despite the challenges, and also to find joy in the journey while we’re at it.  

Just get on with it: we can’t put off living until we don’t have any problems or until all our circumstances are just as we’d like them to be, because that time will never come. There will always be difficulties. That’s life.  

It’s not hard to think of circumstances we’d like to change in the world or in our lives.  

Right off the bat, after having just completed my seven thousandth minivan-seating negotiation between aggrieved progeny each sure that it’s their turn for one of the window seats in the middle row, I think it would be great to have a bigger van.  

But instead of copious space and an extra row of windows, we have a cozy little minivan. Still, the minivan is big enough to fit us all, even if just barely, and we can have wonderful family adventures even without the extra windows. That’s the joy along the way, and the gratitude for what we do have.  

I also know my kids think it would be great if they each had their own bedroom.  

I’m not so convinced. Sharing rooms fosters a lot of togetherness. Many an evening I’ve heard voices drifting down the hall from the late-night conversations of siblings talking things over after lights out.  

But whether it would be great or not, we don’t have enough bedrooms to go around for everyone to have their own. So it’s not an option we need to waste energy fretting over. We can just get on with life in the house we have (which has been great for us! We’ve got acres outside for romping in!). Besides, it’s the living that’s the thing, not the house. 

A shift in perspective can help refocus our attention away from the false promise of making everything perfect before we begin getting on with our “real” life. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux said in Story of a Soul, “The world’s thy ship, not thy home.”  

We’re not here to stay, to park, to coast; we’re not here to find easy street in this world, because we’re not here for this world.  

This is not our final destination. 

We’re moving on. 

We’re bound for something greater.  

And Jesus Himself said we’ll have to strive to enter in through the narrow gate of our real destination.  

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Copyright 2024 Jake Frost
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