My Lord and My God: Transformed by Love

Lea McCarthy ponders the spiritual journey of the apostle Thomas, as told from an insider’s perspective. 

What was from the beginning, 
what we have heard, 
what we have seen with our eyes, 
what we looked upon 
and touched with our hands 
concerns the Word of life. (1 John 1:1) 

John paused, lost in recollection as he wrote. Though it had been decades since that week that shook the world, the details were as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.  

I Just Have to Know, Lord 

He could see his fellow disciple Thomas as a young man again, ardent to devote his life to following Jesus. A smiled played on his lips remembering how matter-of-fact Thomas was and how Jesus would gently tease him for his overly logical approach to everything. He was always trying to understand the spiritual in light of the physical, Jesus had said. The Master had many times used Thomas’ shortcomings as a teaching moment, and John had recorded one such exchange that struck him.  

At the Last Supper, Thomas had interrupted Jesus’ discourse to say:  

“Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” (John 14:5).  

He thought Jesus was talking about a physical journey, not about the way to God, and was irritated that Jesus’ teaching had once again left his comprehension in the dust. Jesus’ answer to his question left him even more confused, and Thomas had become sullen throughout the rest of the festivities. He knew he was acting pettily, but he didn’t think it was fair of Jesus to not give him a plain answer to an honest question. 

Thomas had no idea that it was the last time he would see his Master alive. They left the house after supper and then the unthinkable happened. Jesus was seized, and Thomas fled out of fear for his own safety. The next day the Lord was crucified on Calvary. In the days following that awful, terrible Friday, Thomas remained alone and withdrawn. He simply couldn’t understand how the Messiah could have died. But He was dead, and Thomas had just lost his master, teacher, and friend without even saying goodbye.  

The Sunday after His death, Jesus had appeared to the disciples hiding in the tiny room. They were overjoyed! Thomas just so happened to be out of the house at the time. When he returned, Thaddeus had practically bowled him over as he excitedly related what had happened. He is alive and has appeared to them! 

At the news, Thomas’ face went utterly blank for a moment, then his expression darkened. How dare the others suggest that Jesus was alive when Thomas knew He was dead? Thomas couldn’t believe. No matter how much he wanted things to end differently, he could see no possible way back from the sacrifice Jesus had made.

“Just stop it. Stop!” he had exploded, wrenching free. “Don’t you understand? He’s not coming back. No matter what we hoped for, it’s over.”

As the disciples kept insisting they had seen the Lord, Thomas finally delivered his ultimatum:  

“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25)  

You Know, Lord, and That’s Enough 

That whole week long, all the others were joyful, but Thomas remained in darkness and confusion. But all along, God was quietly at work as the master gardener, tilling the soil so that the stones in Thomas’ heart would come to the surface and be removed. Then Sunday dawned. 

What we looked upon and touched with our hands … the Word of life. (1 John 1:1)

The words on the parchment blurred. No matter how long he lived, John would never forget the look on Thomas’ face when he saw the risen Christ for himself that day, or how gentle and loving Jesus had been with him. The moment he touched the sacred wounds, Thomas was healed of his doubt, and he was never the same again. 

There is much we can learn from the story of Thomas. It seems in every season of life we need to understand these two things: God truly has our best interests in mind even when all evidence points to the contrary, and that God still loves us and wants to show mercy toward us when we fall short. If we believe that message, we, like Thomas, will be transformed by the love of Christ. 

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Copyright 2025 Lea McCarthy
Images: Caravaggio, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons; Canva