My Rosary Story: Surviving the Sword of Grief

Alexis Dallara-Marsh turns to the Rosary for reassurance in times of loss or loneliness.

It has been said that the death of one’s child is the worst, the most painful, loss that a human can face. The loss of our babies was by far the hardest thing my husband and I have ever encountered. One of my principal moral conflicts was my lack of understanding of how this made any sense in the grand scheme of the world and my own life. Throughout this immensely difficult time, I was yearning to find someone who “gets it”; someone who could understand our pain and suffering. For a long time, I had difficulty returning to Church. I felt betrayed and doubtful and beyond sad. It was a very slow process getting myself back to attending Mass.

Yet now I look back and realize, had my faith been where it really should be, I would have recognized that the best model to find and seek comfort in was that of the Blessed Mother herself. Mary’s faith is truly evident in that she survived the sword of grief. She never once wavered in her devotion to God, though she was exposed to so many trials that could cause one to doubt. If we imitate her faith, we too will survive whatever wounds this hard world inﬂicts on us.

Especially when I am in times of loneliness or otherwise lost in this world, I have turned to the Rosary for reassurance. This is also true particularly in the depths of night when I am tired and need peace. Most recently, I turn to the recordings provided on the Hallow app, which allows auto-playing the Rosary to lead me to a state of comfort which I would not otherwise be able to achieve in my own mind. I do also enjoy the Rosary's universality, knowing that the same prayers can be used by groups of men and women together seeking solace in our Mother.

I think no stronger am I united to that of Mary then to that of the Rosary. The Rosary has provided me structure in knowing how to speak to my Blessed Mother when I don't have the words. Each of the mysteries is particularly meaningful and helps me to be there next to Mary as she continuously demonstrates her ultimate love for the world by giving us her beloved Son. Being united in her fiat, we can finally begin to be enveloped by that truly joyous moment when Mary says, “Let it be done to me according to your word.”