Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Michelle Nott discusses ways to incorporate our loved ones gone too soon into the holidays. Download and share a printable list of tips.

The holiday season is upon us, and while it is a joyful time for many, it can also be a sorrowful time for those who have lost a loved one. This may be the first holiday season without a specific family member, and it can be difficult for some to navigate all the mixed emotions the season brings.

The holidays emphasize thankfulness, joy, and hope. All things that are difficult to embrace when we are in a period of grief. In November 2021, I found out I was pregnant again after suffering a miscarriage a few months before. I wasn’t entering the holiday season with joy and anticipation. I was in the middle of grieving my baby, while feeling guilty for grieving when I was blessed with a new child, and also fearful that my pregnancy would end in miscarriage just like before.

What can we do to honor the loved ones we are grieving this season?

Here is a list of a few things I did after my miscarriage or that I have heard others implement as part of their celebrations:

Hang up pictures and light candles for all deceased family members and friends in your house.
Start or end each day with one thing you are thankful for right now. Even if grief seems overbearing, it can help to find the little things that continue to bring joy.
Leave an empty seat at the table in their honor.
Have a special mini-Christmas tree for them with an ornament dedicated to them.
Get a stocking with their name or initial on it to hang up with the rest of the family’s stockings. You can even have family members write a note for them or write down a special memory of them to stick in the stocking too.
Tell stories about your loved one and remember the good times.
Have a good cry: it is OK to feel sad and a healthy part of the grieving period.

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The photo above is one I took of our little Christmas tree dedicated to our baby lost to miscarriage. The ornament was a gift from Alicia Baker, owner of the online store No Heart Untouched, and the doll was a custom order made by Liz Sieger from the online store Sketch and Sentiment.

Maybe you are not the one grieving now, but have friends dealing with a loss this year.

Here are some ways you can support friends and family who have lost someone this holiday season:

Offer a Mass for their loved one and let them know.
Give them a spiritual bouquet of prayers you’ve said for their loved ones.
Light a candle for their loved one at church.
Make a donation to a charity in their loved one’s name.
Making a meal that their loved one was known for or enjoyed.
Give a personalized gift that honors their loved one: a picture, ornament, or something with their name.

Personally, I just never wanted the baby we lost (Jesse) to be forgotten. Anytime someone visits where Jesse is buried, has a Mass offered, or mentions the baby's name, it means a lot to me.

Of course, it is important to keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. Some people want to talk about their loved ones and share memories. Others may prefer to grieve in silence, and that is OK too. Just offer some prayers for them and let them know that you are here and thinking about them.

Jesus meets us where we are, and sometimes we are by the foot of the cross instead of by the manger at the stable.