Not So Nice

Merridith Frediani offers five strategies we can use when we find ourselves acting uncharitably toward others.

I admitted to myself that I’m not a nice person. I masquerade as one, but inside I (and Jesus) know the truth: the not-so- charitable first reaction, the inclination to assume the worst, and the judgmental assumption. I am proud of none of this. I very much want to be different. I’ve prayed for assistance for a long time, and I’ve seen improvement, but there’s much work to be done. Jesus tells us to be perfect as His Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). It’s not possible and I often wonder why He tells us to be something we cannot be.   

I’ve been reflecting on what I can do to become closer to perfect (and therefore God) and the necessity of forgiving myself as my heavenly Father forgives me. I’ve come up with a list and while I’m still a long way from perfect, I’m seeing some improvement. Maybe these ideas will help you also. While we long for God this Advent, we can grow closer to him.  

Take out the garbage.   

Or fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher. Do something you don’t want to do so some other person in your life doesn’t have to. My husband and I get into little battles of will because neither of us wants to take out the garbage and we don’t have kids living in our house to pawn the job off on anymore. Doing the odious task for someone else is a little sacrifice and sacrifice has a lovely way of sanctifying us.  

Pray for your enemy.  

I have a couple people in my life who are hard to love. When I voiced my annoyance to Jesus in prayer and asking Him for help, He encouraged me to pray for them. I’ve come to realize that they are suffering and need prayer more than others I know. This is hard to do but it’s what loving others is. I don’t have to like them, but loving them means desiring good for them and I can do that through prayer. I’ve found that I feel less aggravation and more compassion. 

Get on your knees.  

Pride goes before disaster (Proverbs 16:18). So much of being a nice person involves ridding myself of pride. In accepting my sinful nature, I realize I need to be on my knees before Jesus — both literally and spiritually. I need to tell Him that I need His help to do better. When I bow my head during the consecration at Mass, I tell him, “You are my Savior, you are my king, you are everything.” He is God. I am not.  

Worship/adore. 

Going to daily Mass and/or Eucharistic Adoration has had a profound effect on my attitude, outlook, and empathy for others. It seems unrealistic to carve out time for these things — there’s so much that “needs” to get done each day — but there’s only one thing that actually needs to get done and that is spending quality time with Jesus. The graces He bestows makes it possible to get all the other tasks done. God stretches time when we give our time to Him.  

Be grateful. 

Waking up every morning is just one of the many, many blessings he offers all of us. Recognizing what God has done for me whether it’s big things like my health or small things like a friendly smile helps me remember to embrace humility and gratitude. It helps me acknowledge that we are here because he created us and remembers us and I am no more important to or loved by Him than any of His other children. Perhaps, I should stop thinking that I’m all that and a bag of chips. 

Despite my flaws, Jesus still loves me. The wonderful thing is that He loves all of us and wants us to be with Him for eternity. I’m thankful for how He is helping me be holy and forgiving me when I mess it up. He is so good.  

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Copyright 2024 Merridith Frediani
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