Raising Children with Joy

On the feast of a joy-filled saint, Rosemary Bogdan reflects on the effect of Mom’s mood on children and how we might live with more joy.

“When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” the plaque read. I smiled at the message. So true I thought as I purchased it for my kitchen wall. It seemed a good reminder to the kids to keep their mom happy but, more importantly, a good reminder to me that my mood effects the whole family.

As we remember Saint Philip Neri today let’s remember the power of joy. This great saint has been called the patron of laughter and joy. He was a very likable person known for his humility and cheerful, fun spirit.

Find out more about St. Phillip Neri from Franciscan Media.

Making Your Home a Fun Place to Be

Laughter is contagious. It makes us happy. I remember reading when my children were little the suggestion that we make our homes a fun place to be. I thought that was a great idea, but life can be stressful, especially for moms in the thick of raising children.

I did adopt a few ideas to remember that helped me:

Everything can be cleaned.

Don’t sweat spills. The children’s feelings are much more important, and accidents are not sins. Let them help clean it up with kind instruction. Don’t sound upset. Tone of voice matters.

My house does not need to look perfect in any way.

I realized that the more effort I spent in cleaning my house the meaner I was to my children. I decided it was much better to not really care about how clean my house was (within reason).

It’s okay for the kids to get dirty.

Back to number one. Everything can be cleaned. And clothes getting wet is not a big deal. Try to let them have fun even if it’s messy. Therefore, finger painting and other messy activities are not to be avoided.

Keeping these ideas in mind helped me to not sweat messes and to stay focused on loving my children and keeping my home a fun place to be. Easier said than done. I know. I failed repeatedly.

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What About Dark Days?

But what if you don’t feel joyful? Life is hard and staying joyful can really be a challenge. Joy is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit. The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us:

By this power of the Spirit, God's children can bear much fruit. He who has grafted us onto the true vine will make us bear "the fruit of the Spirit: ... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (CCC 736)

Father Mike Schmitz has a great and insightful talk on this subject. He explains that “joy is the abiding and pervasive sense of well-being.” He explains:

“You have joy always because of Jesus. God is one. God is good. God is just and God knows your name and he cares about you. He’s always with you.” He explains that happiness is almost always circumstantial. Joy is not. Even during trials, we have joy because of Jesus.

Watch the full video:

More of the Holy Spirit

But if our heart is in a dark place, what can we do about it? If we want more joy, we can ask for more of the Holy Spirit. I need to ask very regularly.

"Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.” (Matthew 7:9-11)

Reading Scripture can help lift darkness from me. Attending Mass restores my joy. And sometimes just embracing joy as an act of will can do it.

One year, I was feeling very down on my birthday for some dark reason. I knew my children had planned some special things to delight me, and I did not want to disappoint them. So I pretended to be delighted. I even exaggerated the extent of my joy by acting in ways I would usually act when joyful.

In other words, I faked it. What was surprising was that after a couple hours, I was no longer faking it. I reminded myself that sometimes you just must fake it until you make it, as the saying goes. Or, more likely, the Holy Spirit in His mercy, supplied what I lacked.

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Let’s follow the example of Saint Philip Neri and practice joy and laughter, even and especially when we might not feel it.

Saint Philip Neri, please pray for us that we might be filled with the Fruits of the Holy Spirit and attract others to Jesus with our Joy.

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Raising Children with Joy