Reality and Relationships: What I Learned This Advent

Kate Taliaferro considers two important aspects of Advent as the final days of the season come to a close. 

As we enter the final week of Advent, the anxious anticipation seems to increase tenfold with each passing day. In my house, kids are counting the hours, not the days, until Christmas. It’s so close you can taste it, literally. I’m not sure I want to count all the varieties of Christmas cookies we’ve consumed and mugs of hot chocolate that have been left half drunk because, surprise surprise, it was hot.  

Between the sugar, the family, the fun, and last-minute feelings of intensity as each day passes, peace on earth seems too far out of reach. Peace for the next five minutes even further.  

Thinking back to the beginning of Advent, I wonder why I didn’t foresee this situation and do something to mitigate it. Advent, and Christmas, happen every year. So then why do we end up in the same cycle of intensity and crazy during the days prior to the biggest day in human history? The coming of Jesus should be our everything, yet in these final days it feels so hard to focus on our Lord.  

I’m not going to share my top 5 tips for surviving this week (I don’t have any). Nor am I going to invite you to add a new prayer practice that will solve these circumstances (though prayer is always a good idea, especially if you are busy). Instead, let’s just take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember two truths we already know.  

Our Expectations Do Not Define God’s Reality   

At the start of Advent, you probably had some plans for how this year would be different. I did. We were going to listen to the Hallow app’s kids’ program every morning during our homeschool Christmas school time. We were going to watch our favorite Christmas movies evenly spaced throughout the season to avoid an overload of television. I was going to get ahead on my writing commitments so this final week before Christmas I wouldn’t be stressing over deadlines. Word count concerns limit my sharing the rest of my plans — trust me, there’s more.  

Now, some of these things happened. Most of them definitely took turns, we fell off the boat, or just didn’t get to do it. But just because my expectations of how this Advent was going to be our best yet didn’t pan out, doesn’t mean God hasn’t created a beautiful reality for us. 

My youngest has a recent fascination with lighting candles at two alcoves in our parish. He wants us to light a new one every week and always picks a different person in our life. We pause and pray after Mass as a family for our own candle as well as all the prayers left there before us. This wasn’t on my list, but it’s made this Advent so beautiful.  

We have managed to listen to the Hallow app, but not because I remember. Truly, half of the days I’ve completely forgotten. It’s my kids who remind me. And isn’t that so much better?  

God Restores Through Relationships  

Maybe this Advent as completely gone off the rails. There isn’t anything you can do about the previous 23 days. What you can do is work with today. Today, and every day, God offers restoration through relationship.   

When God came to Mary, He didn’t impose His will upon her. He extended His hand in relationship, asking her to participate in the most mysterious work of creation: the Incarnation. When Jesus was born, the first people to enter into relationship with Him were the shepherds and Magi. Neither were what we could call “the average Jewish person.” The shepherds were among the lowest of Jewish society and the Magi were not even part of the Jewish people.

As He walked the earth, Jesus spent His days restoring people to lost relationships. The blind and lepers were brought back into society, the sick to wholeness and capability, and the dead were literally brought back to life. 

God invites you into relationship with Him as well. He does this through prayer, the Church, the Sacraments. He also does this through the people around you. The relationships you have with others impact your relationship with God because God lives within them, just as He lives within you.   

If this Advent hasn’t gone as you had hoped, is there is a relationship you can tend to help bring some restoration back into your life? Is there a person you can support, forgive, or ask for forgiveness? Looking for Jesus in that person is one way to participate in Advent’s invitation to seek after the Lord, just like the shepherds and Magi.   

There is no such thing as a “perfect” Advent. But if we remember to appreciate the goodness in the reality God has given us in these present circumstances, and we seek after God through relationships, we will be preparing our hearts to receive him more fully on Christmas. 

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Copyright 2025 Kate Taliaferro
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