Remembering My Baby During October

Michelle Nott discusses why October holds a special place in her heart: it's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 

October is a big month for many reasons. My family has a few birthdays in October, and we all enjoy celebrating the start of Fall and trick or treating on Halloween. It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month too. And in the Catholic community, it is an important month for celebrating the Holy Rosary and has quite a few more well-known saints’ feast days. 

A few years ago, I also learned that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I have a few relatives who have had miscarriages, and three years ago lost my own baby to miscarriage, so this has become an important remembrance month for me.  

Remembering my baby  

October 15 is the specific day dedicated to remembering the sweet souls of babies lost. For the past few years, I have remembered our baby by participating in “the wave of light” by lighting a candle that night in remembrance of my baby and all others that passed away too soon. It is a beautiful way to remember them and say a prayer for those babies and their families. I’m not sure who started this tradition, but there are several accounts on Instagram that have mentioned participating in it, and it has now become a special tradition for me too.  

A lot of people who suffer from miscarriage suffer silently and choose not to share. It can be painful to go through loss and then have to talk about it. I decided to share my story and talk about my baby, Jesse Frances, because to me, talking about Jesse honors the memory and acknowledges the short life that changed mine. I also wanted to share my story so that those that have gone through a similar situation feel less alone, because the reality is that grief and trauma can be very isolating.  

I wanted to write about this during the Month of the Holy Rosary because I also don’t believe it is a coincidence that October is both the month of the Holy Rosary and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. As I was confirming I miscarried, I had seen a post circulating on Instagram saying that holding the Rosary is like holding onto Mary’s hand. I went into that appointment on my own but was holding my Rosary in my hand, knowing that Mary was with me. As I heard that Jesse had passed, I remember visualizing handing my baby over to Mary to take care of for me until I could be reunited with Jesse. 

The Rosary was my lifeline to Mary and to my baby during that process. I miscarried on September 24 that year, and buried my baby on October 1, the very beginning of the month dedicated to the Rosary. As painful as it was, it’s also neat looking back and seeing God’s fingerprints on everything.  

I asked my friend, Carla Duran, to make a picture for me of Our Lady of Guadalupe holding onto a Rosary that is acting as an umbilical cord for an unborn baby. This image has given me so much peace and has held special meaning for me through different trials I have faced. It felt appropriate to share this month. 

How can you participate this month? 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is a great time to remember children lost too soon, and it is also a great time to pray for all those babies lost to abortions. Participating in “the wave of light” on the 15th is also a good way of making your own little memorial in your home.

Other ways to participate are by spreading awareness of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, reaching out to families who you know suffered from one of these losses, or even just finding your own way to honor the memory of the loved ones you lost. But one of the best ways to is by praying the Rosary for all the souls lost and their families that had to say goodbye too soon.  

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Copyright 2024 Michelle Nott
Images: (top, center) Canva; (bottom) copyright Carla Duran, all rights reserved, used with permission