Return to Him

After returning to confession, Jen Scheuermann reflects on the change in her heart after she asked God to reveal her own sinfulness.

It had been over twenty years,
but she heard Him calling her name.
So with down cast eyes she entered the room,
apologizing for what she’d done.
She confessed the big things,
the obvious things,
and promised to return again soon.

She went back every few months.
Something inside told her she should.
But despite reflecting on her days,
she often had little to say.
“I’m a good person” she’d think to herself.
“Isn’t this just for big sins anyway?”

‘Til one day a new prayer crossed her lips:
“Help me see my own sinfulness.
I want to receive the mercy You long to give.
Please tear down my pride,
and open my eyes.
Break my heart, Oh Lord,
for what breaks Yours.”

This prayer the Lord was quick to answer,
and her memories began to flow.
Some things done in the distant past,
but some, only hours ago.
Some things big, some things small.
But still, she made note of them all.

And slowly a new desire burned within.
A yearning to return to the confessional again.
A heart aching to be made new,
A heart burning to be cleansed.
And somehow, though she’d recently been,
She found she had more to say
than when she hadn’t been in decades.

Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God,
For he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love, and relenting in punishment. (Joel 2:13)