Searching for God's Reply

Cassidy Van Slyke Blenke confesses her impulse to send God a quick text and shares how she found a way to turn that impulse into prayer.

I am so accustomed to the immediacy of communications that I automatically think I need to send God a quick text when there’s something on my mind. I do the same thing with my 5-year-old daughter, forgetting she doesn’t even have a phone! My brain is wired to turn to devices that send out my thoughts and requests, all with the expectation of an answer in a timely fashion. I recall a desperate moment when I texted myself, pretending it was God because I needed to complete a thought to Him, and found it easiest to “send a quick text” upward through my SMS chain.

Many times, I spend quick moments throughout my day impulsively pausing, taking a few seconds to pray when I feel my mind, body, and spirit start to slip away into a space filled with negative energy, and this feeling gently reminds me that I need to reconnect with my higher power by taking a short a break. Sometimes, this can occur in the carpool pick-up line, in a public restroom, while I’m running through my house chasing a pantsless child, or when I’m attempting to get ready in the morning. More often than not, my message to God is, “Please help me get through the day!” because the chaotic motions of daily motherhood and child-rearing are all-consuming.

While sending my messages up toward God comes easily to me, it’s awaiting the reply that proves most challenging. In moments of crisis, I wish it were as simple as a new email in my inbox from God stating the exact answer, or a lightning bolt of assurance striking with me with what specifically I need to do. Guided by homilies, readings, and talks from my faith community, I tried to familiarize myself with the term “discernment of spirit,” or interpreting and understanding God’s messages for me. When I am caught up in the moment, yearning for a response, I find myself wondering when and how my response will come. In retrospect, I know I will most likely not experience a direct message from God or an immediate reply to my prayer intentions.

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While sending my messages up toward God comes easily to me, it’s awaiting the reply that proves most challenging. #CatholicMom

As my hard-wired impatience begins to subside, I regain footing on my faithful beam by turning my will over and setting my prayers into God’s hands. I then work to finally accept that His messages most always take the form of a surprising medium when I open myself to patience, love, and willfulness.

Now this is the message that we have heard from him and proclaim to you: God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5)

When my soul is connected to my high power, and I finally let go, that’s when God works his special magic. Most times, I am entirely unaware he “left me a message” until a new person with a unique purpose has entered my life, my child’s previous struggles have turned into newly opened doors, a new opportunity presents itself, or I am given the courage to walk through anguish while still finding gratitude. It takes trusting the path and opening yourself up to new possibilities, and accepting we are not the Almighty behind the wheel. I think God wants to challenge us to seek Him out and wait for His gentle replies while walking through life's beautiful, sometimes stress-inducing moments.

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