Searching for Something

From our earliest days, we are all searching for something, and recently Jen Scheuermann has come to see the very origin and purpose of this search.

In response to a simple touch on her cheek, a newborn turns her head, seeking her mother’s breast. A few months later her uncontrollable rooting reflex disappears, giving way to more intentional rooting as she purposely seeks comfort and food through nursing. Watching this, we see the truth: From our very earliest moments, we are all searching for something.

During the past few years Jesus has gently revealed to me the why behind so much of what I say and do. Through prayer He has shown me that I’ve continued to search for something nearly every day of my life, and often this searching has impacted my relationships with others. For decades I chased approval from others, “performing” for praise and acknowledgement—first from my parents and teachers, and later from friends and colleagues. I’ve sought comfort by turning inward to avoid painful or anxiety-laced situations, and in doing so have pulled away from those who were trying to love me.

And when that hasn’t worked, I have turned to the world, seeking distraction and ways to numb the discomfort I couldn’t avoid.

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My searching has even impacted my relationship with Jesus. With misguided efforts, I have placed Jesus on my “spiritual To-Do” list more than once, chasing an arbitrary ideal for my spiritual life. And during periods of suffering I’ve returned to my roots, once again rooting for comfort as I sought the consolation and peace He provided instead of searching for Him.

It seems my entire life could be described as a period of seeking. The ways in which I have searched have evolved over time and the object of my fickle heart’s desire has changed, but the searching itself has been a constant. It’s almost as if He created us to search for something …

Or maybe ... He created us to be on an endless search for Him.

Click to tweet:
With misguided efforts, I have placed Jesus on my “spiritual To-Do” list more than once, chasing an arbitrary ideal for my spiritual life. #CatholicMom

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