Seeing Jesus for the First Time

Holly Dodd reflects on how a priest’s love for Jesus in the Eucharist informed her own understanding of the True Presence of Christ.

I was nearly 40 years old when I really listened to the words of consecration for the first time and began to believe them. When I listened and began to truly recognize Him on the altar, I couldn't help but to fall in love with Jesus. As a cradle Catholic, I am certain I had been to Mass well over a thousand times at that point. I’m certain I had at some point studied the Mass in 13 years of Catholic schooling. But one day, in 2018, I heard the words for the first time; and I saw Jesus for the first time.  

My ability to recognize Jesus on the altar that day was the result of a perfect storm. I had been wrangling toddlers and consoling babies in the pews for 17 years, and my capable helpers finally outnumbered my squirmy little people. We seated all those little people as near to the altar as we could to keep them engaged. I could focus on the Mass for the first time in years. I was nurturing my faith at home, learning with my children as I endeavored to pass on a faith that I was realizing I barely understood.

I was beginning to hunger for something more. The stage, I see now, was being set. The moment that changed my life that day, though, was when the priest on the altar fixed his gaze on Jesus after reciting the words I had heard countless times, and his eyes betrayed his own undeniable and overwhelming love of Jesus. 

I would assume that most priests I had ever known in my life loved Jesus, but I had never seen anyone look at Jesus, truly present on the altar, like this priest did. The way he looked at Jesus oozed with a longing in his heart and a love that ran so deep that it was almost palpable, a love that was so real it almost hurt. I had never seen anyone look at Jesus that way.  

Seeing Jesus in the Consecration of the Eucharist  

The gestures and words of the Mass are so simple, repeated day after day, week after week:   

He holds the host with his thumbs and index fingers of both hands, keeping the other fingers of his hands extended and joined to each other. He does not rest his hands on the altar. He holds the host slightly above the altar and bows slightly toward it to recite the words of consecration … 

"Take this, all of you, and eat of it, 
for this is my Body, 
which will be given up for you." 

The celebrant then stands upright and raises the consecrated host in both hands directly over the corporal at eye level when he is facing the people … He joins the assembly in directing his gaze toward the elevated Host (Ceremonial for Priests, Caron)  

The words are so simple. I had heard them so many times, but I had never really heard them at all. I had never really considered what was happening on the altar, but the priest speaking the words clearly believed them in a way that was incomprehensible.   

The Attraction of a Loving Gaze   

Have you ever seen someone in a crowd that is looking off into the distance, who seems to see something that no one else notices; the love in his eyes is clearly reflecting the love in his soul, and you can’t help but follow his gaze, to see what he sees? I did that in Mass that day, and at first, I’ll admit, I couldn’t see it. But his love was so pure, so wonderful, so undeniably attractive, I couldn’t help but to want to see, really see, what he saw.

The way this priest looked at Jesus, desired Jesus, longed for Jesus, made evident his love for Jesus, Who was truly present, right there in his very hands. This gaze, this love, was so attractive, it made me want to believe too. He saw Jesus, and he loved Him more than anything in the world. So week after week I kept looking, and I began to see Him, too. I was falling in love with Jesus, too.  

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Copyright 2025 Holly Dodd
Images: copyright 2025 Frank Currall, all rights reserved, used with permission