Sibling Rivalry

Sheri Wohlfert shares five strategies for helping sisters and brothers learn to appreciate each other.

"Am I my brother's keeper?” (Genesis 4:9)

 Sibling rivalry is as old as Cain and Abel, and I think that’s about how long parents have been trying to find the best way to deal with it. There can be some positive outcomes from sibling rivalries and conflicts; in fact, they are some of the earliest experiences we have in learning to compromise, negotiate, and problem solve, but sometimes the conflicts can spin to a level of concern. Here are five strategies to help keep a balance.

Create situations where siblings support and help each other.

Helping with anything from sight words, to shoe tying to throwing the perfect spiral gives siblings the chance to work together, share talents, and build empathy as they help each other go from struggle to success.

Celebrate instead of compare.

Children need to know they are loved and appreciated for who they are. Comparing one child to another only intensifies the rivalry and creates division. It can be easy for children to think better grades or more home runs equal more love and approval. It’s important to celebrate accomplishments and achievements of all kinds and siblings need to celebrate too. I’m sure my kids didn’t always enjoy going to each other's events, but an occasional appearance at a sibling's event was a simple show of support that had a big impact.

Family first.

God’s plan for families is that family members will support and love each other, so creating an atmosphere where family is the most important thing will help balance rivalry. If you teach your kids that nothing is more important than family, it becomes easier to identify the things that can cause rivalry and undermine family unity. Conflict and rivalry are bound to be a part of family life, but we have to teach our kids that family trumps everything.

”Lift-ups” follow “put-downs.”

Sibling honesty often feels like a put-down, so every time a sibling spits out a put-down, they need to offer a comment or action that lifts their sibling up.

Look at siblings as gifts.

Siblings are a gift, and children need to be taught that they are indeed their brother's keeper, and they have a responsibility to pray for their siblings and desire their holiness. When rivalries intensify, take time to help them look at their siblings through the eyes of the Father, recognizing that the gifts and talents God gave them can restore peace.

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Children need to know they are loved and appreciated for who they are. #catholicmom

Copyright 2022 Sheri Wohlfert
Images: Canva