Slippery Enemies of Truth: Rash Judgment, Detraction, and Calumny

Heidi Hess Saxton considers the importance of lifting others up and avoiding "sins of the tongue."

Growing up, I always cringed a little every time my mother went to her weekly Bible study/prayer meeting. These were devoted, God-fearing women who had over the years had prayed my family through countless emergencies and catastrophes. And yet, I always felt a little uncomfortable in their presence.  

The truth was, I had gone with my mother to a few of these meetings, waiting in the next room reading or doing homework. When it came time for “prayer requests,” my ears would perk up: I was about to get an earful about all the goings-on: the husband who lost his job, the troublesome mother-in-law — and of course a complete litany of aches, pains, and pending surgeries. But there was one topic that never failed to draw a universal, sympathetic sigh from the group: wayward teenagers. The daughter dating the “bad boy,” the son who blasted “devil’s music” and smoked. One mother routinely nitpicked at the tiniest faults of her daughters (whom I knew to be top-notch students and track stars and leaders in the youth group).  

Listening in, I wondered whether I had been the subject of a “prayer request” —  and what offense against obedience or propriety I had committed that could be universally (well, at least locally) and roundly denounced. The unfairness of it all galled me, but … well, what could I do? Plead my case at youth group, during our own prayer time? (That never worked. Complaints always had a way of getting back to parents.) 

As it turns out, I did make the “prayer board” for almost two years — after I became Catholic; I had “turned my back on my spiritual heritage” and “abandoned my faith.” Only by the grace of God was my relationship with Mom repaired and restored when she herself became Catholic.

Beware Damaging “Truth” 

As I look back on those years, as a parent, I can afford to be forgiving. Raising teenagers is HARD, and it does sometimes help to vent a little and get advice from those farther along the parenting trail. And yet, the question must be asked: At what point does venting to a “circle of friends” — about our kids, or about mutual acquaintances — wreak real damage? Damage to relationships? Damage to reputations? And even damage to our own souls, becoming an occasion of “sins of the tongue” — gossip, rash judgment, calumny (lies or misrepresentations that destroy another’s reputation) or detraction (disclosing another’s faults without a valid reason)? 

Whether in person or via social media, love demands that we tend to these seemingly “little sins.” Friendships have been destroyed and reputations irreparably damaged when a complainant’s “friends” denounce the subject of the complaint when that person is not present to verify the facts. And the more popular or influential the “friend,” the stronger and swifter is the temptation to rush to judgment. (Who doesn’t want to be in the “in crowd”?) 

Self-Check 

The Catechism reminds us: 

Respect for the reputation of persons forbids … rash judgment [of those] who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral faults of a neighbor.” (CCC 2477)

Consider … 

• On social media, do I lean heavily on “confirmation bias” – uncritically accepting as truth the words of like-minded friends, and dismissing without consideration those who challenge my worldview? 

• Can I have compassion for those who are angry or upset, and pray for them without taking up their offense needlessly? 

• Do I refuse to engage in speaking ill of those who are not present — either by changing the subject or by interpreting the absent party’s actions in the most charitable way? The Catechism says: 

To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way: “Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved” (Ignatius of Loyola, Spiritual Exercises, 22, CCC 2478). 

Truth in Friendship 

We are all works in process — each of us are susceptible to weaknesses and flaws that the devil loves to use to create divisions and controversies. True friendship is not always found in uncritical agreement, but in finding courage to lift up a friend who has fallen prey to ‘sins of the tongue.’  

Better is an open rebuke than a love that remains hidden. 
Trustworthy are the blows of a friend, 
Dangerous, the kisses of an enemy. 
One who is full spurns honey; 
But to the hungry, any bitter thing is sweet.” (Proverbs 27:5-7) 

May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart 
Be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord. 

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Copyright 2025 Heidi Hess Saxton
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