Squeaky Wheels and the Problem of Loneliness

Feelings of loneliness and isolation have become more common lately. Tina Mayeux remembers how she learned that it's OK to ask for help when you need it.

When I was in the hospital having one of my daughters (so much has happened since then, it’s hard to remember which daughter it was!) my epidural began to wear off and I started to become gradually more uncomfortable with the pain. Sadly, I was not one of those brave mothers who submit to the experience of childbirth drug-free. As the labor pains intensified, I dealt with the discomfort by using the breathing exercises we had rehearsed in the childbirth classes to which I had dragged my nervous and bewildered husband.

Taking slow, deep breaths, I closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain, afraid to let anyone know how truly uncomfortable I was. My husband was a steadfast support throughout the whole process, but even with him at my side holding my hand and coaching me on my breathing, the situation was going downhill fast. 

At just that moment, the OB-GYN doctor on call who would deliver my baby entered the room to check on me. Unable to stand it any longer, my dam of bravado collapsed, and I pleaded for more medication. Feeling ashamed for calling attention to myself and my plight, I think I probably apologized several times for the request, to which the doctor nonchalantly replied, “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

To this day, I have not forgotten his comment, partly because it was an unusual and quirky retort, but mostly because it taught me an important lesson about speaking out and asking for help when we are in need.  

Bringing Our Feelings to Light 

The necessity of asking for help applies not only to physical discomfort like I experienced while having my baby, but also to our emotional needs. It can be tempting for some of us to hide our feelings rather than sharing them with those around us who are there to help and support us. We might believe that by expressing our emotions, we will burden others or become the object of judgment or pity. It is true that we should be discerning and selective of who we choose to reveal our feelings to. However, it is also true that God often puts people directly in our paths who can love and support us through our difficulties.  

A “Loneliness Epidemic” 

Our world is connected digitally like never before, but it also seems that at times we lack deep, meaningful relationships. In 2023, the Surgeon General declared a “loneliness epidemic” in our country, brought on, in part, by the Covid pandemic and the isolation we experienced during this period. Studies show that our dependence on technology as a form of escapism can also be a contributing factor to loneliness and depression. Although it seems the problem of loneliness has improved somewhat since Covid, statistics show that around 52 million American adults still experience feeling lonely and disengaged from others.  

Seeking Support 

For those who may be feeling isolated and alone, it is important to know that it is okay to be a “squeaky wheel” when you are in pain and to ask for help when you need it. Whether reaching out to a family member or trusted friend or scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional or clergy member, it is important to seek out support when facing emotional challenges. Along with getting the support you need, here are a few ideas about how to ward off loneliness and depression:  

Disconnect from technology and reconnect with nature.

Putting our phones away for a time each day and simply going outside to observe the beauty of God’s creation can restore and renew our spirits. In nature, we come close to God and can hear Him whispering to us in the gentle breeze.  

Help others.

When feeling lonely, it helps to bring joy and a smile to someone else in need. For mothers with smaller children, it is not always possible to take on additional ministries. However, some ideas for serving others with our children include visiting a nursing home as a family, making “blessing bags” to give out to vulnerable individuals, or simply baking a treat with the children and bringing it over to a sick or elderly neighbor. 

Engage in physical activity.

Exercise has been proven to provide mental health benefits and to improve our mood. Scheduling frequent walks or workouts is vital to combatting feelings of loneliness and can make us healthier physically and mentally.  

Nurture the healthy, supportive relationships you already enjoy in your life.

Spending face-to-face time with friends and family can do wonders for our mental health and mood. Even a phone call can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and brighten a person’s day. The Book of Sirach describes the importance of having trustworthy and loyal friends:   

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them. (Sirach 6:14-16) 

Pray.

Most importantly, we remember to call out to Jesus, depending on Him to lift us up when we feel alone. We trust in Him, knowing that He is always near to us, ready to respond to our needs and that He will never abandon us.  

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Copyright 2025 Tina Mayeux
Images: Canva