Suffering Well

As Lent begins, Amanda Woodiel considers the meaning of suffering.

A friend of mine once told me, “I used to think that life was mostly easy with a few hard parts. Now I know that life is mostly hard with a few easy parts.”

This begs the question: how does a disciple of Christ suffer well? Ever since our oldest son was diagnosed with cancer in August, I’ve been asking this more and more. I don’t want to “waste” any of it, desiring to cooperate with the work of Christ’s redemptive suffering for the salvation of my own soul, those nearest to me, and the whole world.

So if you are in one of those mostly hard parts, here are three answers I received when I asked people close to me how to suffer well.

Honor me by trusting me in your day of trouble

I asked my best friend how to suffer well. She is a person of deep prayer and is no stranger to suffering herself. She answered by quoting someone she once heard: “Honor me by trusting me in your day of trouble.”

Suffering has a way of making us answer honestly the real questions of life: Does God really love me? Is He really in control? Do I really trust Him? It’s so much easier to tell ourselves that we trust Him until things get out of control. In suffering, we have an opportunity to choose to trust Him even when all we see is “the wrong side of the tapestry,” as G.K. Chesterton’s detective Father Brown phrased it. From our perspective, everything looks like a tangled, ugly mess. But on the other side, the Father is weaving an intricate and beautiful image.

We have few gifts that are ours to give to Our Lord, but choosing to trust Him in the midst of our trouble is one of the more precious ones. This is suffering well.

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The way of surrender

I asked my spiritual director how to suffer well. He told me two things: first of all, it’s not suffering unless it’s suffering. That is, if we are getting any kind of enjoyment out of the suffering (such as enjoying the attention, enjoying having a reason to indulge our love of Netflix, and so on), it no longer is suffering. But provided it really is suffering, the way to suffer well, he said, is to accept the day’s suffering and offer it back to the Father.

It’s natural to prefer health over illness, for example, and it is good to ask the Father for health. But if, in His wisdom and love, He has given you instead illness for this day, then to surrender to His perfect and loving will for that day is suffering well.

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The place for union with Jesus Christ

I asked my priest how to suffer well. With his permission, I quote him here, as I won’t be able to phrase it any more beautifully than he. He asked only that I make clear that this not any official Church teaching but his own reflection on the theme:

Christ redeems suffering not by getting rid of it but by making it a means of his presence. Like transubstantiation, Christ is able to transform the wretchedness of suffering in its substance by making it a means of communion with him while the accidents remain the same.

That's how I have seen it theologically. John Paul II has a great letter on the meaning of suffering as well. Nevertheless, how does this happen practically? I have found that physically clutching a cross and meditating upon the crucifixion is the most helpful.

Begging is extraordinarily helpful as well. And finally, radical honesty with God.

In three words, a heart of faith, the heart of a beggar, and an honest heart are acceptable to the Lord and useful for suffering well.

The place of suffering as place for union with Jesus Christ particularly struck me. After all, what is suffering but a place of loneliness? Despite loved ones’ best efforts to walk alongside us, the cross we carry is our cross alone. It’s in that place of loneliness, where we really can’t turn to anyone else on earth, where we are in a privileged place to seek union with Jesus Christ. He knows. He sees. He hears. He waits for us to turn to Him in our suffering and to create in that sorrowful space a new and profound intimacy with Him. This is suffering well.

Click to tweet:
Despite loved ones’ best efforts to walk alongside us, the cross we carry is our cross alone. #CatholicMom

There is so much more wisdom on this subject. Please share your own thoughts on suffering well in the comments below. Prayers for a blessed Lent, especially if you are in the midst of your difficulties—may the Holy Spirit help you to suffer well.

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