Swiss Cheese Forgiveness

Heidi Saxton tells how a falling-out with a friend gave her fresh insight into what Jesus meant by forgiving “seventy-seven times.” 

Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22) 

This week on my Facebook feed, this reel caught my eye: a bowl of sand containing a propeller-like lever slowly rotating and smoothing a hole in the surface. “Healing takes time,” it said.  

Something inside me shifted. Just a few days before I’d had an unpleasant phone conversation with someone I had known for years. As she unleashed her feelings in a verbal tirade, it was all I could do not to cut her off and explain my side. Clearly, there was something going on here, more than meets the eye — that this person needed grace. And yet her words cut deep, leaving me feel attacked, unappreciated, and misunderstood.  

After about thirty minutes of this I took a deep breath, concluded the call with as much grace as I could muster … and hung up. Then I gave God an earful, asking him to work in the situation. 

Healing can take time 

The next day, I saw the reel. “Healing takes time.” I thought about what had happened during that phone call, and recalled that this person had in the past year lost someone dear to her. She had also undergone some significant other life changes. Maybe … just maybe it wasn’t all about me. 

Still, I needed to find a way to move past the hurt the conversation had inflicted. And as I thought about the last time that I felt this way, I remembered the advice that was given to me in confession by a dear older priest. “Forgiveness can be a little bit like a brick of Swiss cheese. You know how you go into a deli, and the man behind the counter takes a slice off the end? The holes in the cheese get smaller and smaller with each slice.  

“So it is with forgiveness. Each time this person or situation comes to mind, we can mentally ‘slice it off’ and hand it over to God. And each time we do, the hole in our heart grows a little smaller, until it disappears entirely.” 

When forgiveness takes practice 

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells Peter to forgive not just seven times, but seventy-seven times. For a long time, when I heard that verse, I thought it meant I was to forgive once, each time a person hurt me – even if she did it seventy-seven times in a row! But it works the other way, too. Sometimes we need to keep forgiving a single offense over and over — seventy-seven times, even — so that the hole in our hearts can gradually heal, until the hurt disappears. Swiss cheese forgiveness. 

Depending on the situation, this long-term “offering up” may include personal reconciliation, talking things over with the other person involved. Other times this simply isn’t possible. And yet, when we practice mercy, and willingly relinquish our need for vindication and “justice,” we imitate Jesus in a powerful and transformative way. 

Is the “hole in your cheese” too big or deep to disappear with a single slice? That’s okay. Take it one step at a time. 

“Lord, bless ____. Help me love (him/her) like you do.” 

Not quite there yet? Try this. 

“Lord, help me want to forgive _____. Take this hard place in my heart and give me your heart.” 

Still too much? How about: 

“Lord, thank you for all the ways you show your love and care for me, and for your tender mercy and forgiveness each time I wound you with my own sins and weakness. In your mercy, take away my anger and resentment, and help me to WANT to forgive ____. Infuse my heart with kindness, protect me from temptation, and by your Spirit bring restoration and hope. Amen."

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Copyright 2024 Heidi Hess Saxton
Images: Canva