Taking It Under Advisement

Jena Muhr discusses ways she plains to maintain balance this summer, considering other’s suggestions and her own family’s needs. 

It might just be the weekend I’ve had, but everyone wants to tell me how to go about my life. What I should or should not be doing. What they did when they were in my shoes. Where I should or should not go.    

There’s a lot of shoulds going around here. And I should probably tell you that I am in the third trimester of pregnancy with my fourth child. We’re very excited, and do not know yet if Baby is a boy or a girl.   

Sifting Through Unsolicited Advice  

I know that the people giving me this advice are doing so because they care. They have experience on their side and have had time to cultivate their thoughts and opinions. Truthfully, they might know better than me because hindsight is 20/20. And it isn’t common for families in Southern California to have a fourth child (at least how it feels to me).   

But my question is: When should I get all the things done that need to get done? Food needs to be shopped for, prepared, cooked, eaten, and cleaned up after. Laundry, tidying up, and errands are never-ending battles. And the baby’s room needs to be prepared and sorted. Not to mention I still have three school-aged kids who need to be taxied places and have their needs met as well.   

This may seem like a rant of a very pregnant lady, but it is a lot of my own coming to terms with what I can and cannot get done, given the time, mental space, and ability I have. I am not actively trying to take on more things right now, but am finishing up a lot of the things that I have already started and said yes to. But … saying no to everything and having three kids at home with me all day, every day as the summer is just beginning — because I haven’t made plans for them — sounds worse than making a few plans.  

Reflecting on this, I have made and kept some plans, but I have also said no to others.  

Saying No to Some Things 

Things I've said no to, let go, or subbed out for this season:  

• Asking my husband for help carry or lift heavy-ish things. These are things that I would usually do myself like putting boxes away in the garage or moving large items up and down the stairs. I’m decently handy and don’t like asking for help, but I’ve been making an active point to put him to use in this way. 

• Saying no to nonessential birthday party invitations. My kids are fortunate to be invited to many birthday parties, but for right now I am saying no to all but their besties. There are only so many hours in the day and days on weekends to get all the things done as it is.  

• Allowing others to do the work that my usual self would eagerly do. Setting up for classroom parties, or volunteering to be a part of the clean-up group is something that I am letting go of for right now. 

What I’ve Said Yes To: 

• Attending church every week as a family. Even if the air conditioner at church is broken, God’s got this and I will bring a fan and water. 

• Accepting help as I am able to, even though it is hard and against my nature. 

• Keeping meals simple; batch cooking. 

• Continuing to exercise throughout my pregnancy. This has been huge for me. During my third pregnancy, I did not work out much, and I am noticing such a different in my mental outlook and ease of getting up and down all day 

• Planting a garden. This might seem counterintuitive, but the heavy lifting was done by my handsome husband, and it has been so much fun being able to grow our own vegetables. And it’s delicious! 

• Eating well-balanced snacks. Meals are easier to keep balanced for me. But snacks can be my downfall. Keeping some things that are healthier in the fridge prepped and ready to go has been really good for keeping me satisfied and feeding the troops. 

• Encouraging the kids to play independently. I do not need to be the one entertaining them all the time. Having a few significant things to do over the summer is the plan, and I don't intend to have each day highly planned out. It’s OK for kids to be bored; if they are, I have plenty for them to read and clean. 

Overall, people give advice because they care. I know this and appreciate it. Learning from others' experience is important and helpful. It just seems that being pregnant opens the floodgates of advice a bit more, and I know that having a newborn will open it further. And that’s OK.

But to sit and take stock and notice all that is going on and where things are at is needed sometimes and this is where I am at right now: listening to advice on not doing too much. 

What do you do when you've overwhelmed by parenting advice?

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Copyright 2025 Jena Muhr
Images: Canva