Tell Other Parents

Janelle Peregoy emphasizes the importance of letting other parents know when their children do something good.

Many people tell me that I have a warm and hospitable presence. I can also guarantee that I will dodge your coffee date invites. 

It is not remotely personal. I simply learned a long time ago that maintaining my warmth is often predicated on leaning into my own introversion. 

Nowhere is this dynamic more apparent than at the playground. 

Be Wary of Playground Politics 

Whether it is at a playground, a school drop-off or an extracurricular event, parents (in my experience, this skews towards moms) like to gather and have general parental chitchat. Have you signed up for STEM camp yet? What do you think of the new bike? Did your daughter think the math test was too hard? 

Most of these conversations are benign. However, some can turn … less than charitable. I am uncomfortable when the conversation leans into gossip about a teacher or another parent.  

In my aversion to “playground politics” and through my own natural introversion, I often choose to avoid engaging with large groups of parents. 

A Surprise Encounter with Another Mom 

One morning at school drop-off, I was walking my son to his class, very much minding my own business. 

Across the walkway, another mom made explicit eye contact with me and began striding over purposefully. 

I personally did not know this mom well. What I did know about her was that she volunteers for a lot of committees and field trips, and is actively involved in the work of the school and the community.  

Seeing her made me inwardly groan. Did I do something wrong? What does she need from me? 

“I wanted to talk to you about your son.” 

My nervous system was crackling with anxiety. 

She proceeded to tell me about how some children were making fun of her son in class. I felt dubious. My son has a quiet demeanor and some might even read him as distant. It was hard for me to picture him actively antagonizing his peers. 

I was about to interject that I wanted to get my son’s perspective before having a follow-up conversation. Her next words jolted me. 

“Your son stumbled upon what was happening and immediately went to comfort him.” 

It took moment to catch up with what she was saying. 

“I am so sorry that this happened to your son … and I am so glad to hear my son was not involved in any negative behavior.” 

She chuckled. 

“Not only was your son not involved, he also helped my son move past the whole incident. He said that your son reminded him of what being a real friend is all about.” 

Words of Consolation 

She lifted her hand to her heart. 

“We don’t often tell other moms when their kids are kind or helpful. I just wanted you to know that you’re raising a great kid. He made such a difference in how my son reacted that day.” 

I started mentally replaying all the assumptions that I had baked into our conversation. From the get-go, I approached her and our interactions with suspicion and distrust. 

From this other mom, I have learned two important lessons.  

Firstly, I need to check my own assumptions. Recognize the gift of being able to approach new situations and conversations with openness and curiosity.  

Secondly, I need to tell other parents the good news of their kids. We all want to raise the sons and daughters who make the world better for those around them.  

Truthfully, I still avoid playground politics. At least now, I am more primed to the kindnesses of children, teenagers and young adults. Our fellow parents-on-the-journey deserve to know. 

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Copyright 2025 Janelle Peregoy
Images: Canva