The Best Advice I Give to Parents of Tweens and Teens

Tami Kiser reviews The Power of Listening Well: How Holy Curiosity Can Build Trust and Restore Relationships by Gregory Bottaro.

The Power of Listening Well: How Holy Curiosity Can Build Trust and Restore Relationships

By Gregory Bottaro

Published by Sophia Institute Press

I’m one of those older moms here on Catholic Mom. And although I still have a young teen in my home, I do have several other children (nine, to be exact) who have established homes of their own. (I still love to read the encouragement and ideas from all of you other moms, no matter your age and expertise. I believe one can always learn from others who share their own experiences.)

But as a seasoned mom, I feel like I finally have enough lived experience to give parenting advice. A lot of this advice is often given in this form: I did it this way, and it really backfired on me. Definitely don’t do that!

And the top advice that I love giving to other parents that I know I messed up over and over again, but now in my later parenting years, I’m finally learning to do it right, is listening. And praise the Lord, it’s so important to continue to practice this skill when your children are young adults, too. God is giving me many chances to make up for all the listening mistakes I made when the children were young now that the children are older.

The Resource I Want to Recommend to Every Parent

When I was given the chance to review The Power of Listening Well by Dr. Gregory Bottaro, I jumped at the chance. I’ve been looking for a resource to recommend to parents for awhile, and this, my fellow moms, is it.

Every parent of a tween, teen, or young adult needs to read this book. It’s the best parenting resource that I’ve seen in a long time. From my experiences with my own children and all my interactions with other parents of teenagers (I teach at a high school and my husband and I run summer family camps), this skill of listening well with “holy curiosity” will help parents out immensely.

Dr. Greg Bottaro is a Catholic therapist who ties in the Catholic understanding of the human person, especially in light of the Theology of the Body, in his clinical practice and writings. This book on listening does the same. It’s not just another book about Active Listening that you can get from the self-help area of the bookstore, it ties in our Catholic faith with not only the why but the how. In this book, he uses saints and Scripture references. We come to understand how Jesus uses the skill of listening and “holy curiosity.” He also gives many examples from Catholic parent clients that many of us will be able to relate to.

He begins the book defining holy curiosity:

A humble, courageous willingness to explore difficult questions while remaining grounded in the wisdom of our Catholic Faith. It’s curiosity that flows from God’s love.

He shows example after example of parents learning how to do this with their children. Basically, the son or daughter have a different viewpoint from the parents about a subject: something, for example, like drinking or transgenderism. The parents jump immediately into doctrinal or moral statements. The son or daughter withdraws. The parents sometimes make ultimatums. The son or daughter withdraws more. Dr. Bottaro recommends that instead of lectures, the parents ask questions. He encourages the parents to truly listen. Usually there’s underlying meaning and problems when children turn to these other behaviors, and the parents who should be the child’s greatest ally and help during this time of trouble have quickly shut themselves off.

Instead of a lecture, parents could simply ask, “What does drinking help you to feel?" Or "Why do you think being the opposite sex would help you?” And truly listen. Ask more questions.

Parents are quick to wonder, “But isn’t this condoning the behavior?”

With examples, Dr. Bottaro shows the difference. He states that “When we commit to accompaniment rather than control, when we choose presence over pressure, something beautiful often happens in our relationship.”

Again, he shows us the examples of Jesus accompanying people.

Other important listening moments are mentioned in the book as well as other listening skills. For example, he suggests listening beyond just what is said: listen through the words to the meaning behind them.

There’s a wonderful, but also very difficult, section on listening through suffering. He gives great advice about being with someone who is suffering. I tend to immediately want to make them feel better or excuse away the suffering. He says,

Sometimes the most healing thing we can offer someone in pain is simply our presence—our willingness to witness their suffering without trying to change it, explain it away, or hurry them through it.

This book would make a great discussion book for a moms' group, but I think it would also be extremely valuable for a couple to read it together so they could help one another practice these lessons in their home with their children, and also to practice on one another.

Is this a book you'd like to read? Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2026 Tami Kiser
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