The Boys Are Back at Home

Merridith Frediani breaks down the good, the bad, and the smelly about having two of her adult sons back at home.

I’m somewhat nose-blind since my bout with Covid a few years ago, and it largely serves me well. There’s some smelliness in this world. A few weeks ago though, I entered my house and walked into a wall of stink that was noticeable even to me. When I went upstairs and saw my sons were in their rooms I realized what I was smelling: boy. The scent of Boy was strong in my home. After 12 months of empty-nesting, the boys were back at home and I’m surprised by how I feel about it.  

The Empty Nest Is Full Again 

Anyone who knows me knows I’m gaga about my kids. Not in a “they can do no wrong way” — I’m very aware of their flaws — but in a “they are pretty great humans and I’m glad I get to be their mom” way. I’ll be the first to throw them under the proverbial bus if they screw up and the first to fight and defend them. I’m also not opposed to fighting with them if necessary but that’s for a different article. I’m fond of my little Freddies, but having two of them living with us again has been a lesson in patience and service.   

Our youngest graduated from college and is job-hunting. Our oldest is in a temporary housing holding pattern. My dining room looks like a hoarder's den, and no car can fit in the garage. The dishwasher is running daily, the fridge is so full things are freezing, and other people’s stuff is littering my countertops. Apparently no one else knows that only my things are allowed to clutter surfaces. I’m laundering napkins and dish towels almost non-stop and I have to move two cars out of the way every morning so I can leave for work. Sometimes leftovers I planned for lunch are gone, and empty Amazon boxes are everywhere.  

It’s hard to believe I lived like this for a lot of years. It’s a reminder that as life evolves, so do we. The crazy that was once normal is now mildly stressful. Life can be really good once the kids move out which surprised me since I felt so sad every time they left. For various reasons, various people have lived with us intermittently over the past four years — often not our own kids — so we’ve only had one year of being alone. The human person is remarkably adaptive. We got used to it.  

Lessons in Patience and Service 

I acknowledged these feelings of frustration and aggravation to myself, and was relieved to have named them but I feel like I shouldn’t only focus on the extra shoes, books, and detritus that dwells with us now. Our Lord teaches us much through family, and lessons in patience and service are ones I need to be taught often.   

Yes, we are cooking for more people, who may or may not show up for dinner, but we are also enjoying lovely conversations and re-acquainting ourselves with our youngest who’s been gone for four years. Turns out, and we discovered this with the others as well, college changes a kid and I’ve been pleased with the adults they have become. 

Yes, the dishwasher is exhausted, but someone else unloads it on many days without being asked. That’s a benefit I like.

Yes, I should keep the music down while cooking dinner, but I’m not coming home to an empty house and a crazed dog who’s been alone all day.  

I’m honing my patience skills because the routine is disrupted and little things are different. I’m trying to look at the extra work as ways of serving God through my family instead of burdens laid on my shoulders.   

The five of us have had more time together over the past six weeks than in the past six years and it no longer feels novel and fleeting. I used to put pressure on myself to make our family time special because it was so rare. Now it feels comfortable and relaxed again. I’m not taking it for granted, but I am less stressed about creating a memorable experience. I’m being present.  

Raising kids is unlike anything else. As they have grown they have changed from who and what they were to who and what they are. That sounds like a “duh” but the who and what of a toddler or middle-schooler is very different than that of a college graduate or young working adult. I sometimes miss the who and what they were, the joyful little munchkins they could be, but I’m grateful for the who and what they have become. I have three people who are interesting and fun, and I’m glad I get to live life with them.   

If that means I’m washing the table again or taking out more garbage, I’ll do it. Hopefully I’ll do it patiently and in a spirit of loving service, because the gift of these three lovely turkeys is immeasurable.   

Now if only it smelled a little better … 

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Copyright 2025 Merridith Frediani
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