The Depth of Trust in Marriage

Mary Beth Eberhard discusses the importance of trusting your spouse to help you get to Heaven.

Have you ever wrestled with a vice you just can’t seem to shake? Maybe one you tuck deep into your heart, embarrassed for anyone to see? I think we all have them. Lately, I’ve been on a mission to clean the house within my soul. I even made a list, digging into my spiritual toolbox, determined to weed out anything that might keep me from walking through those beautiful gates of Heaven. But I quickly realized I couldn’t do this work alone. So I went to my husband. 

Of course, I went to the Lord first. I’ve stayed close to Confession, clinging to His grace as I stumble forward. But the words of Saint John Chrysostom pierced me recently, calling me deeper on this quest for holiness. He reminded me that Heaven is not a destination to check off a list. It’s not just “someday.”  

Heaven is my forever goal: union with Christ, home with the people I love. And oh, how I long for it. I find myself falling more in love with those around me, yearning for their holiness as much as my own. I want all of us there together, praising God, at peace in His presence forever. Is there anything more beautiful? 

The Goal Is Heaven 

Saint John Chrysostom writes: 

Tell her that you love her more than your own life, because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of you pass through this life in such a way that in the world to come you will be united in perfect love. ("On Marriage and Family Life") 

That phrase — “in the world to come” — lands in my heart with such weight. I think of the joy my husband and I have shared over our twenty-eight years of marriage: the looks we exchange in awe of our children, the quiet squeeze of hands across a table, the conversations spoken in glances. We know one another. And when I picture carrying that intimacy into Heaven — worshiping side by side, our sacrifices and sufferings on earth transformed into eternal joy — that vision makes me willing to embrace humility again and again. 

I’ve taken seriously the task of helping both myself and my husband reach Heaven. That means the small choices matter. Souls matter. So we pray together more. We look for ways to be selfless, to carry one another’s burdens. I see him rise early, earbuds in, whispering prayers as he tackles the dishes we left undone the night before. I carve out space for him to thrive in his work, offering support when he needs it. As Saint Thérèse of Lisieux reminds us, “small things with great love” are the little way to Heaven. But the little way doesn’t mean shallow; it can also call us deeper. 

Going Deeper 

For me, that means sharing not just the surface-level struggles (“I lost patience with the kids again”), but the deeper wounds, the ones that bring me shame. It’s hard to do. But through marriage, we are called to aid one another on the road to Heaven. And I’ve found that when I let myself be vulnerable, my husband doesn’t love me less — he loves me more. He’s told me that trust draws him closer, that being truly known deepens his love for me. 

It’s not easy. Even after decades together, it’s tempting to hide, to let shame win. But the reward is breathtaking. There is a depth in marriage that blossoms when the ultimate goal is union with Jesus. When we risk being fully seen and fully loved, even in the dark places, trust becomes the soil where Christ’s light shines. 

Are we brave enough to love like this? To trust our spouse to love us as Christ loves the Church? To lay our lives down again and again as Christ did for us? The fruit of such surrender is a marriage that radiates Christ to our family, to our community, and to the world. 

Be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9) 

May we trust in these words. May we offer ourselves fully — in humility, in love — as we strive for Heaven together. 

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