The Importance of Having Coffee

Rosemary Bogdan proposes that going out for tea or coffee can be an excellent relationship builder.

In this age of rapid-fire communication, much has been made of how impersonal our communication has become with others. Emails are to get right to the point. Opening niceties are a thing of the past. Social media messages are often the most effective way to reach a person. 

Keeping in touch with friends and loved ones couldn’t be more important. 

Contact and physical presence are the stuff of relationships. 

Let’s bring back meeting at a coffee shop! 

There are some real advantages to going out for tea or coffee. The space and time are well-defined. Unlike at home, you don’t just take care of a quick something like a load of laundry or a quick answer to a phone call. There is an expectation that attention is directed to the table and the person sitting across from you. 

A Chance to Talk One on One 

The best coffee shop conversations, in my opinion, are one-on-one. 

Unlike the internet, coffee shop conversations are very personal. You are only a couple of feet from the other person’s face. It feels more private, and it is more private.  

Topics can therefore be more meaningful. We tend to be kinder and more polite in these situations.  

It is here, with perhaps only one friend or loved one present, that people often feel more comfortable that a confidence will be protected, that a personal matter will not travel any further. 

In my opinion, it is the coffee shop conversation that is truly beneficial for maintaining relationships with adult children and other important young people in our lives.   

It is in a peaceful, safe situation that young people are most apt to reveal what is happening at school, what is troubling them, or what is important to them. 

It’s so hard to get them to slow down. How to get them to agree? For my children I will sometimes offer to include lunch at their favorite restaurant, or maybe a favorite pastry. 

Or, if Christmas or a birthday is coming soon, I will put going out for coffee with Mom as my first item on my wish list, right after praying a Rosary or going to Mass with Mom. For young people with very small budgets, these suggestions can make gift giving possible. 

A Comfortable Way to Share Big Things 

The coffee shop situation is a safe one. Mom, don’t bring any agenda items, only an intent to diligently listen. Stay comfortable. Don’t look at your phone or watch. Make sure you’ve allocated all the time you can and don’t think about anything else.   

These times are precious. Try to avoid controversial topics if you possibly can. If they come up anyway, agree with anything you can. Agree as much as possible. It’s OK to not comment on issues that are just too volatile. 

The goal is to be loving as well as possible the person you are with. Let them feel loved. Smile. Especially if the relationship is at all troubled, pray about the meeting ahead of time. "Mary, Queen of Peace, pray for us" could be said as you’re walking in. 

Compliment your loved one as much as you possibly can. Recall something you’ve always appreciated about them and thank them for it. 

There are lots of ways to pour out love. 

Pray With Me:

Come Holy Spirit. Fill us with you love and mercy. Guide every word we say. 

Oh Jesus, please guide us in everything we do and especially in those situations where we may need special direction. 

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Copyright 2025 Rosemary Bogdan
Images: Canva