The Importance of Thank-You Notes

Jena Muhr offers age-by-age tips for guiding your children through the process of thanking loved ones for gifts they've received.

I love receiving thank-you cards. It is a simple gesture that doesn’t take much longer than eight minutes per card to complete, but it brings such joy to me every time I see one in the mailbox. To me it shows that the gift that I spent time, energy and money buying or making was appreciated and valued. This is true for big events like weddings or baby showers, and also for the smaller events like children’s birthday parties and first Communions.

I remember writing thank-you cards when I was a child. This is how I learned how to address envelopes, where to put the stamp, and how to find people in the address book. Mailing thank-you cards might be a lost or dying art, but it is something that I am working hard to teach my children — if anything, for the sake of knowing how to write a proper note and send an envelope in the mail. 

During present opening at each of my kids' birthdays and celebrations, I am usually sitting close by with a notepad or the notes app in my phone, taking notes on who gave my child what present. The satisfaction of crossing each completed thank-you card off the list and then marching it to the mailbox is helping my kids learn the pride in being responsible gift receivers. 

To write the thank-you cards, I down with each child to write notes for all of the gifts that they received. I have been using a graduated system to help ease them into the process, with the goal of making sure that they will eventually take full responsibility for their own thank-you notes. I provide all the supplies and encouragement, of course, but they have to put in an age-appropriate amount of effort. As I reminded my daughter the other day, if you like having celebrations where you receive gifts, then you need to sit down afterward and write everyone a thank-you note.  

My oldest is nearly 8 years old, and she has graduated to writing the note from a prompt, and now is learning how to address the envelopes herself. Currently, we’ve been working on her first Communion thank-you cards, and she has been chipping away at the list, a card or two a night. She has gotten the hang of it but needs some help with addressing the envelope and keeping things in the right place. Hopefully by next year she will be about 90% independent with this, no prompt needed.  

Here's the easy format that I usually use:  

Dear (insert name here), 

Thank you so much for celebrating my First Communion with me. Thank you for the (insert gift here).  

Love,  

(Name) 

My soon-to-be 6-year-old will write her name and "thank you," or draw a picture on cards. It depends on who the giver is. She will likely add the stamp and add the return address label to the envelope.  

And I’m happy if the 3-year-old writes his name or adds a colorful scribble to his cards. Sometimes I will let him help with stamps, but this has occurred with mixed success. For his cards, I often feel that it is more important for me to keep in the habit.  

I don’t expect perfection from my children, or myself, in this habit. But I like to encourage my kids to learn how to complete this task so they can continue as they grow older. I am definitely not perfect; there have been times I have flat out forgotten or took the quick way out, taking a picture of the child with their present and sending it to the giver in a text message with a quick "thank you." (I also do this if I do not have someone's address to mail a card.) I have also printed out pictures of the kids with a generic thank-you message for extra-large parties we’ve had. But sending some form of a thank you is something that I strive to do with respect for the love and kindness shown by the ones who gave a gift. 

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Copyright 2024 Jena Muhr
Images: Canva