The Importance of True and Holy Friendships

Danielle Heckenkamp contemplates the importance of true friendships and women's a natural inclination toward multiplying these relationships.

Relationships are an integral part of our human nature. God created us with an innate social desire to interact and communicate on a deeper level, which are pivotal components of healthy relationships. By learning to love God and love one another, we develop friendships that are more than social distractions.  

True Friendship: More than Social Distraction

Every season in life brings a combination of love, hardship, and the opportunity for spiritual progress. We can attempt these seasons alone, but this life wasn’t made to be traveled alone. God is our first goal, and even though our human nature is tainted from Original Sin, He gives us friends to assist us through this earthly journey. 

Without a doubt, good friends are difficult to find. As society drifts farther away from God, we tend to underestimate the value of friendships; and when we return to God’s love, an inner desire for holy friends resurrects. This desire to share one’s secrets, one’s joys, and one’s sorrows with another person is extremely intimate and it contains a vulnerability. This comes more naturally for women, as we have an innate desire to serve others. It’s an aspect of our feminine nature, and an integral component of motherhood.

If we are to grow in friendship, then we must learn to grow in love, which is sacrificial. Only through sacrifice will we find true love. It was the sacrificial love of Christ’ death on the cross that overcame Original Sin. It is the sacrificial love between a husband and wife that brings them closer, during the good times and the difficult times. It is the sacrificial love of a mother than endures labor pains to participate in God’s gift of life. And it is God’s love for His creatures that encourages souls to practice and develop the virtue of charity. It is through the virtue of charity that friendship has an opportunity to flourish even in suffering. 

Everyone desires a dear friend, someone who can share their sorrows, but also return that support. It is only natural that every person desires that connection, but many of us forget that to have a good friend, we must learn to be a good friend first. Friendship must be reciprocal and sacrificial, especially when the connection is beyond a superficial level. So, how can we become a good friend? It is by learning to first love God and then to serve others with love. As stated above, this characteristic of serving others is a natural God-given gift to women. Accepting our feminine nature, and molding it in virtue, will uplift others around us to transform basic acquaintances into good and holy friendships.   

A good friend should rarely bring you down but instead uplift you both in the bad times and in the good times. However, we cannot expect this of another person if such behaviors are not second nature to us. Meaning, friendship should never be entered into lightly. True friends are there to encourage, enlighten, inform, and to speak the Truth, even when it isn’t popular. Truth through charity, and by example, is one of the greatest markings of a good friend.  

What Makes a Good Friend? 

• Friendship begins in the heart. Neither person can expect to only receive and give never back.  
• True friendship must be selfless and unwavering to Truth. 
• Good friends place others before themselves! It's true devotion, dedication, and compromise.  
• The more we learn to love God, the more we will love to serve others.

How beautiful to imagine that souls, who were earthly friends, are now adoring God together in heaven. God is our ultimate love, but through His creatures we may learn to grow in that love and bring Him glory through our friendships. 

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Copyright 2025 Danielle Heckenkamp
Images: Canva