The Struggle is Real (And Good!)

Megan Cottam reflects on the challenges that make her family thrive.

In an unlikely turn of events for my household, my five-year-old son, most commonly known for being the smallest child in his grade, has taken up Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. About 8 weeks into studying this discipline, the classes consist mostly of him getting tossed to the ground after about 1.2 seconds of fighting back. My oldest child and I sit on the benches and watch him repeatedly get slaughtered by the older, larger, and more experienced children. We exchange both laughs and some grimaces as we watch the various take-downs.

And yet, his facial expressions are consistent. He gets called to pair up with someone. He has a determined smile. He gets slammed. He shrugs it off and goes back for more, the smile never leaving his face. Is this my same child whose tears flowed for every bruise, cut, or tiny sibling offense one could possibly think of? What makes this situation different?

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A few weeks ago, my family participated in an area 10k road race, with the kids running the “10k Mini” or 1-mile run. We all had to wake up early on a Saturday, navigate nearly-impossible street parking, walk for countless city blocks and weave through throngs of runners to arrive at the start line. Without issue, both children laughed and shined, so excited to be running “where the cars usually go” and sporting an official race bib. Are these my children who complain that they cannot possibly go one more step in the grocery store? The same ones who couldn’t possibly lift their backpack from the car to the front door after a school day?

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What is the magic formula that turns my children into joyful, persevering little humans? As I reflected on this question, I had to be honest: I too, complain and grumble about the smallest everyday things while finding great joy in a worthwhile challenge. I, too, grow the most when I discover I am stronger or braver than I originally thought.

I couldn’t help but realize that this is exactly how the Lord parents us all. The Letter of James tells us:

Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)

Perhaps it is in the struggle itself that we build important virtues that help us fight against sin and complacency. Easy tasks and quick rewards are not enough for us to grow into who God has called us to be. Living small is not enough of a life to shape us into disciples who can persevere against the temptations of this world. Being the Good Father than He is, the Lord teaches us to labor and struggle, guided by His voice, so that we focus and persevere on the things that matter.

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How important does it then become that we create these same opportunities for our children? As much as I want to remove struggle from my child’s life, it is in these moments that they are becoming before our eyes exactly who they were meant to be. Rather than shield our children from struggle, what if we are shielding them accidentally from virtue-building instead? How would my witness to my children change if I sought out more hardship myself?

I have found that my children are not interested in a perfect, successful, or fun day, but one that matters. Our adult hearts seek the same, and together as a family we can all struggle well for the Lord. What are some challenges you have adopted as a family that have borne fruit in your own lives? Whatever struggles you choose to accept, may they guide you ever closer to our Lord.

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