The Value of Friendship for the Vulnerable

As the International Day of Friendship approaches, Tammy Marino of Unbound reflects on strategies she implemented to teach how to look for opportunities to build friendships.

Doesn’t it seem that the more connected we appear — devices, WiFi, social media, FaceTime — the more we are losing the plot on how to deeply connect and form the kinds of friendships that came naturally before technology took over?

Gone are the days of meeting up with the neighborhood kids, getting on a bike, going for a ride and playing outside until the streetlights turned on or our parents called our names for dinner. Now, kids are far more scheduled. Time with classmates or other friends is booked as a “play date,” and even those are often planned or structured activities.

In this new age of doing more, we are simultaneously watching as our kids are bombarded with unrealistic expectations of appearance, intense cyberbullying and a stressful 24-hour news cycle. This is not a recipe for meaningful and lasting connections.

Be a Good Friend to All

As parents, we can be so busy ourselves that we forget our children need us to not only model what friendship looks like but actually break it down and teach our kids how to find their people, stand up against bullying, be active listeners and trusted confidantes, and be vulnerable and let others into their own hearts, wishes and dreams.

I remember when I had just started kindergarten. There was a girl in my class — we will call her “Jane” for this story — who, even just a couple of weeks into the school year, had clearly been marked as “other.” She wore different clothes, likely hand-me-downs. Her hair was a little messy. And she had become an immediate target for a daily mix of name-calling coupled with social isolation.

When it was time to plan my birthday party, my mother informed me we would be giving invitations to everyone in class. I nonchalantly shared that we couldn’t possibly invite Jane. If we invited Jane, the other kids wouldn’t come. Or worse, they would make fun of me.

I remember the solemn expression on my mother’s face as she explained the importance of being kind to all. While we didn’t know Jane, she was also 5 and would certainly enjoy a birthday party just as my other classmates would, and it would not be right to exclude her.

I knew she was right. But I also hoped that the day of my party would come and Jane would not be there. When the special day arrived, all my classmates came to my house ready for pizza and cake and games. But when Jane rang the doorbell, I ran upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me. And I cried and cried.

When I heard a gentle knock, I knew it would be my mom. After wiping my tears, and giving me a gentle hug, she sternly told me to go back down to my party guests. And she lovingly demanded me to try to get to know and include Jane.

Reluctantly, I made my way back to my celebration. “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” had just started. I found Jane sitting at the cake table, alone. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I do remember that once we started talking, we were soon giggling and joining the game.

That party and Jane shaped my view of friendship and became a life lesson shared decades later in the household my husband and I created.

Look for the Jane

Each year, on the very last night of summer vacation, I would sit and chat with my kids about looking out for others because, I explained, the first thing one needs to do to be a good friend is to be someone who cares.

I told my kids my story and challenged them to look for the child who is being teased, or who looks sad, awkward or alone. A single kind gesture could change that child’s trajectory, and a new friendship could truly be life-changing for her or him — and for you.

Every first day of school, I looked forward to hearing about how my kids found someone to befriend; someone who may have been looking a little scared or who didn’t have a friend to sit with at lunch. And my kids were always excited to share. Watching those new friendships blossom was a gift for me, knowing I was raising considerate, caring humans filled my heart with a special kind of joy and pride.

Marginalized Near and Far

Sometimes it takes a wider lens to see those who are vulnerable or marginalized outside of our little bubbles. In distant countries, neighboring towns and even the house next door, many families struggle day to day to be seen, to be heard, to create the kind of home environment where their children feel safe and empowered to not only make friends, but also to learn and plan for careers.

Looking out for others doesn’t have to stop at your child’s classroom or cafeteria table. Thursday, July 30, is the International Day of Friendship — a day the U.N. designated to highlight that friendship can build bridges and inspire peace efforts. It is an ideal summer opportunity to look for the Jane.

Perhaps there is an elderly neighbor living nearby who could use some assistance with daily chores, or who would enjoy some company. You might consider talking with your child about helping plant some flowers or even sending a handmade card in the mail to brighten that neighbor’s day.

There might be families who are part of your local parish community who are struggling to make ends meet due to a lost job or illness. Check with your church’s social concerns office to see if there are ways to help that will not only alleviate some of the pressure for a fellow parishioner at a time of need but also give every member of your family that indescribable peace that comes with selfless acts of generosity.

Many towns, cities and states have food banks and food drives that allow children to participate. This is a meaningful way to volunteer and contribute together to vulnerable families who can use a little extra support and love.

And in many countries around the world, families are experiencing poverty that many of us can’t begin to imagine. Thousands of children, students and elders are ready to take the bold and brave first step out of poverty and a relatively low-cost monthly sponsorship through Unbound helps them get started.

When you walk alongside a family on their path out of poverty, you not only provide much-needed financial assistance that goes toward access to education, safe housing, medicine and more. You also begin a friendship. Just like when my children looked for the Jane, when you have a sponsored friend in Africa, Asia or Latin America, you are spreading kindness and ensuring people in marginalized communities are seen, appreciated and supported.

Compassion is impactful not in grand gestures, but in the open arms of sincere friendship. In choosing to seek out, see and embrace those who are marginalized, we move closer to what it means to love our neighbor, and we show our kids what it means to be a true friend.

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Copyright 2026 Tammy Marino for Unbound
Images: copyright 2026 Unbound, all rights reserved.