The White Board Plan

Lectio Divina Out Loud: Erika Dix shares her prayer about the shift in who is actually the planner in her family.

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you ... plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. (Jeremiah 29-11)

My spiritual director shared a wonderful bit of insight with me recently. She said, “Our own dreams for our children become revealed to us when they come up with their own.” I did not realize how much I had figured out for my children until they left for college. I had big plans for them!

But now that they are mostly on their own, they are coming up with big plans for themselves. The mirror that is revealing to me what I had not realized I was doing is a little cracked and slightly broken as I navigate this new season of my children’s independence.  

Know Well the Plans 

It must have started when they were little, and I became the planner for the family. My kids have certain needs and one of those needs is predictability. I learned early on that if there was no plan or structure, that could mean a meltdown was coming. This is not to say they did not have free time to figure things out for themselves. What it did mean was there was a plan on the white board for the day (similar to a classroom), so that they knew what was happening. They knew if it was good (for example, going out for ice cream) or bad (to them — chores), and they knew how their day would flow.  

Have in Mind 

I got into the habit of making plans so well that I started picturing in my mind their future and then started making more plans. I am sure that every parent likes to think of their children’s future and what it might look like. At the heart of every plan, is a well-meant intention and thoughts of the best outcome for our children. Part of that is also taking into account their growth and potential, so holding the plans lightly is a good idea. I think I may have held on too hard which I attribute to my feelings of cracked and brokenness. 

For your Welfare 

Looking at the Scripture verse, I definitely feel that I made all those plans for their welfare, and especially not for their woe. I do wonder if in all of my planning I did not realize the woe I would cause myself. I really did not see it until they left for college and how much of what they were planning did not fit the plans I had figured out. 

Flexibility is a core lesson in my home, and I have to learn it just as much as my children. When my adult children came to me and shared what they were doing in college or the changes they wanted to make in their lives, my first reaction was to be upset and demand they follow the plan (written on my own mental white board). I was mad at something I did not really have ownership over in the first place, and I had to practice flexibility as much as I was teaching it.  

A Future of Hope 

With her insight, my spiritual director helped me figure out why I was upset. Then she gave me more wonderful advice, and that was to allow the feelings and mourn the loss of my plans. They were big plans! This does not mean I do not love my children or do not accept them and their independence. It means I love them so much that I am hoping for their best future possible. 

It means it is no longer up to me to make the plans for that future. And it also means they have been given a future of hope and it is from God, who knows even better than I do what the plans are for my children. He is assuring them, and me, that His plans are for their best welfare, and not to mourn too much, for He has my children always on His mind. For me, I get to use my white board for something else now.   

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I praise You for the plans you have for my children, and I am grateful to You that You have them always on Your mind.  

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Erika Dix
Images: Canva