Trusting God’s Mercy for the Scrupulous

Hillary Ibarra clings to God’s mercy daily in her fight against scrupulosity. 

Easter was a beautiful day alive with gratitude and praise. I wept at Mass as I often do, thinking about the love and mercy of our Resurrected Lord Jesus. 

I made it to Easter without needing to go to confession in the week preceding it. That’s a victory because I usually have a scrupulosity crisis before Christmas and Easter, and my struggle with whether I should receive the Eucharist is intense, so I run to an 11th-hour Confession at a parish where confessions are heard during Holy Week.  

This year my scrupulosity crisis hit on Easter Monday instead. Perhaps it was caused by my Easter feast hangover, and my body was protesting the departure from a Lenten diet. It didn’t help that I had a heap of work aggravation and didn’t get enough sleep.  

On Easter Monday I wept not in gratitude but in fear over thoughts that have plagued me since I was a little girl.  

Scrupulosity can feel like constant combat with your own mind, like your brain is a traitor to your deepest convictions, yet you fear that the thoughts are from your heart. I have lived this continual combat since childhood, coping as best I can. 

But with the help of kind priests and the internet — yes, the internet — I have embraced a few strategies that help. 

Don’t engage the thoughts. Instead, have mercy on yourself and trust more in God’s mercy. 

A spiritual advisor told me that thoughts come and go, but did you act on them? Another priest assured me that these thoughts are temptations only. A kind priest I encountered in Confession this past Lent while visiting family told me that he is certain these obsessive, blasphemous thoughts I contend with are not sin.   

Read about your condition when you’re struggling. 

This has been a blessing for me. When I am in the throes of scrupulosity, I read articles about it. Some are from religious leaders; some are about saints who suffered or from others who suffer with scrupulosity; others are from medical professionals. More mental healthcare professionals are recognizing that scrupulosity is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder and are doing more to research, understand, and address it. 

Just reading about my condition puts me in a more rational, objective space, and I realize that I don’t need to run to Confession again, but I do need to understand my condition and build strategies to overcome it.  

Express simple prayers of hope to your Heavenly Father.   

I wish I were healed forever of scrupulosity, like St Paul begged God to remove “the thorn in my flesh,” but there are prayers I say to relinquish my struggle to God Who cares for all of us. Here are some that I often pray: 

Lord God, forgive me for all the thoughts I’ve had this day that were displeasing to you. I pray this before bed. It’s a way for me to relinquish to our Heavenly Father all that has passed in my mind during the day, including my obsessive thoughts. 

Lord, redeem my mind. Most of what I confess in Reconciliation involves my thoughts, so this is another way of surrendering the battle—that so often drains me—to God. 

Father, I thank you for your love and grace and mercy. He pours these out upon us daily, and it’s important to remember that when you battle scrupulosity. 

Jesus, I trust in You. I pray one of the ultimate expressions of faith in God’s love from the Divine Mercy image. 

Seek a Catholic therapist. 

Sometimes we all need a professional. No one should struggle alone, and we can ask God to guide us to the best therapist. When I told an older priest that I have struggled since childhood, he wrote down the name of a therapist friend for me to see, and I was grateful. 

Don’t let scrupulosity keep you from embracing Jesus. 

This past Monday my niece was Confirmed, and at Mass I again struggled with my thoughts and with the perpetual question of whether I should receive the Eucharist. (This is a battle many scrupulous people experience at nearly every Mass.) In the end I was inspired by the thought that I should carry my heavy cross of scrupulosity to the sanctuary and receive my Lord in the Eucharist.  

And so I did. 

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5 ways to rely on God's help in coping with scrupulosity. #CatholicMom

Copyright 2023 Hillary Ibarra
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