Turn Back

Amelia Bentrup reflects on how we all turn away from God and how we can turn back to Him.

Come, let us return to the Lord, for it is he who has torn, but he will heal us; he has struck down, but he will bind our wounds. He will revive us after two days; on the third day, he will raise us up to live in his presence. Let us know, let us strive to know the Lord; as certain as the dawn is his coming. He will come to us like the rain, like spring rain that waters the earth. (Hosea 6:1-3)

Turn away, turn back, turn away, turn back, turn away, turn back.

Sometimes the spiritual life feels like a dance. We turn away from God, and then we turn back to Him again. We turn away and then back again, away and then back. This constantly repeating cycle can feel exhausting at times.

I find that when things are going well, when life is ho-hum and regular, I tend to get caught up in the things of this world. While I may not be fully turning away from God, I am not actively seeking Him out at much as should. Then the trials and the difficulties come, and I am brought to my knees.

Help from the Psalms

God is our refuge and our strength,
an ever-present help in distress.
Thus we do not fear,
though earth be shaken
and mountains quake to the depths of the sea,
Though its waters rage and foam,
and mountains totter at its surging.
Streams of the river gladden the city of God,
the holy dwelling of the Most High.
God is in its midst; it shall not be shaken;
God will help it at break of day.
Though nations rage and kingdoms totter,
he utters his voice and the earth melts,
The Lord of hosts is with us;
our stronghold is the God of Jacob. (Psalm 46:2-8)

The psalms are filled with encouragement to turn towards God in times of distress. While we may not be dealing with earthquakes and raging waters and tottering kingdoms, our lives all have their own storms. The psalms encourage us to seek God in those storms. When times are going well, it is easy for me to forget about prayer, to be distracted during Mass and to rush through my daily prayers. When I am in the midst of a storm, it feels as though God is all I have to cling to.

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The Gift of Confession

As I was waiting my turn for Confession the other day, I was praying through an examination of conscience in an old prayer book I own. Facing and being reminded of my own sins and failures is often a painful process. And I often struggle with knowing what is a sin and what is not. Am I sorry enough for my sins? Do I have enough contrition to be forgiven?

I once had a priest tell me, “When in doubt, confess it out.” Confession really is the ultimate gift and tool for turning back to God. I can’t daydream or let my mind drift off during Confession. I can’t passively sit there and let my mind think about what I am going to make for dinner or all the things I have to do. I am forced to face and confront my own sins and failures and make an active decision to turn back to God.

When I was a child, my father used to call Confession, “disk technician for the soul.” This was back in the very early days of computers when we used floppy disks and every Saturday my father would run something called disk technician on our computer where it would be unavailable for use for several hours. It was some sort of maintenance task.

Regular Confession is maintenance for the soul. It is the ultimate way of turning back to God, the final step in the turn away, turn back, town away, turn back dance that so many of us partake in so frequently.

The spiritual life is very up and down. Sometimes we feel close to God and other times we feel very far away and distant. But when God feels far away, we can take comfort in knowing He is calling us back. We may be turned away, but it only takes one short movement, a little step, one prayer, one act of faith, one trip to Confession to turn back to Him.

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