Unsuccessful and Happy

Newlywed Darya Rosien DiSano takes over her mom's column today to share why's it's OK to be unsuccessful.

The Truth

Two months ago, I quit my job, but no worries, I had plans. Plans for a new job, plans of being financially secure, plans to buy a new car, plans to start a family right away, plans for my life to be, well ... perfect. And then those plans fell through. Now here I am, two months later, with no job, no car at all (let alone a new one), no bun in the oven, and NO idea what I’m going to do.

Pretty unsuccessful, right? How could I have worked so hard just to get to this point? I look at friends and family members who seem to have it so much more together than I do; the dream job, the cushy income, the nice (working) cars. I am constantly comparing myself to their success and the result is always the same: me feeling inadequate.

The Hope

Several weeks ago, I reached my tipping point. I was more confused than ever with the direction my life was going and the uncertainty of it all left me in a perpetual state of anxiety. I complained to my husband, complained to my parents, complained to siblings and friends, hoping they would somehow have the answers I was looking for and all would be right in my little world again. But no one did. My mother did, however, have a name -- the name of a life coach: Lisa Mladinich. Desperate and confused, I gave her a try.

Anxiously I called her, and after discussing where I was and the uncertainty of my life at the moment, she suggested I take an assessment. The assessment, she informed me, would show me my top five natural talents and would help me find direction based on the premise that once you recognize your natural talents you can then use them to develop yourself and/or career.

Intrigued, I agreed, took the assessment, and we began to go over the results together. While reading through the report we came upon the word “successful” and immediately I felt it wasn’t me. I exclaimed how I would much rather be happy then be successful. After expressing this, my life coach she asked me what successful meant. I was at a loss for words. Something I had desired so strongly to be, and I couldn’t even explain what it was. So I defined what the world has told me is successful; climbing the corporate ladder, being one of the best in your professions, making good money, etc., etc.

As I babbled, I couldn’t help but think how foolish that sounded. “That’s not at all what I want in life.” I said.

“Then why is that what you consider to be successful?” she asked.

I didn’t. That what society believes is successful. That’s what society has told me is successful. And in society’s eyes, I’m failing miserably. Shocked at this realization, she then asked me what I considered to be successful.

The Real Truth

Success to me means being a good wife. Making sure my husband knows he is truly loved. Taking care of this house we call our home and preparing it for future children. Success to me is tending to our families, making sure they are cared for and have what they need. To me, being successful means I am living my faith and striving to be what God calls of me.

Of course, I also want to provide for my family, but I trust in God to help me find the right job to do so. However, now, instead of panicking over this waiting period, I’m thankful for this time to learn new ways of providing for my family rather than just monetarily.

Yes, sometimes I fail at these, but I am not a failure.

To me, being successful means I am living my faith and striving to be what God calls of me. #catholicmom

To the world, I am unsuccessful. That’s OKAY! I’m happy to be unsuccessful to the world if it means being successful at the things I value.

So I have to ask, what does successful mean to you? Are you living your life based off the world’s definition or your own?

Copyright 2020 Darya Rosien DiSano
Image: Emma Bauso (2020), Pexels

About the author: Darya Rosien DiSano lives in Rochester, NY, with her husband Joe. She is a registered nurse and got married at an intimate Catholic Mass in the middle of the Covid crisis at what she calls her “wedding at Cana.”