Wasn’t It Yesterday When They Were Small?

Rachel Watkins ponders her hopes, as a parent, to know her growing-up children well as they head out into the wider world.

Do you know your child? You know their name, their birthday and maybe you can even recall their weight and height at birth. But, once they have passed the age when we tend to give it in months, would you be able to say you know who your child is? I am writing this from the point of getting another one of my children ready for a high-school graduation.

I have sat through dozens of graduations from kindergarten ceremonies to high school, including my husband’s own master’s degree. These watershed moments always make me nostalgic, and I find myself absently humming "Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler on the Roof. As I get ready to watch another cross the stage, I want to be able to say I know who my child is before they head out into a world of strangers.

I once had high hopes of keeping detailed baby books but that was a pie-crust promise broken with the arrival of #3. I moved to cardboard boxes and then plastic tubs in which I threw favorite pieces of artwork, certificates earned and copies of homeschool grades. Over the years, I have quite a collection but if you were to page through it, you would not know much about my children except to say some of them are rather good artists.

I also once kept index cards tucked in my wallet. I was partial to the colored ones over the white ones and on these I kept important details for each of my kids. From clothing and shoe size in case I saw something on sale, to their favorite cereals and what they were collecting. This was my attempt to make sure I knew something important about each of my kids just in case I was able to get them a favorite something. Having come from a large family and now raising my own, I know the importance of being seen as a unique individual.

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As time has marched on and the world has changed, though, I have come to accept that knowing my kids is much more complicated than remembering Cap’n Crunch is a favorite cereal if I am so inclined to spoil them. Now, I have to ask some really tough questions about what is on their phones, their feelings about the Church, and their thoughts about current events.

When our children are born, we often say we would die for them. Somehow that seems almost easy compared to discussing their feelings in regard to gun violence or race relations. But if we want to know our children, we need to love them enough to ask the tough questions. If you need help with the answers, don’t be afraid to get help. Taking the time to know who your children are goes from easy to hard, but it is necessary at every stage as we are forever their parents, and they are forever our children.

Click to tweet:
As time has marched on and the world has changed, I have come to accept that knowing my kids is much more complicated than remembering Cap’n Crunch is a favorite cereal. #CatholicMom

For guidance on answers to the easy and the hard questions, you can check out:

USCCB.org: the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops

Catholic Answers

The Person and Identity Project

Catholic Women's Forum

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