We Are Not Alone

Louisa Ikena reflects on God’s presence with us and some practical actions we can take when we are feeling lonely.

So much of life can feel so isolating. We can be physically with others, yet we can feel desperately alone. Sometimes it feels like no one understands. No one “gets it”. No one “gets” me. If I need to depend on others to meet my needs, it feels like they won’t get met. And we all have needs—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What do I do when I am physically alone, and it feels more like loneliness than solitude? I can choose to physically place myself around people, but what happens when that action does not dissipate my emotional loneliness?

I’ve heard the suggestion "don’t allow yourself to get too lonely." That suggestion implies that there’s a part of this picture that is under my control. There are actions I can take to ward off loneliness. The actions that come to mind include reaching out and asking for what I need, sharing vulnerably with safe people, and, most especially, inviting God in.

When I identify the details of what I need, like a hug, a companion to walk with, and a listening ear, I can ask God for the courage to ask for what I need. I don’t find it particularly easy to ask for help, but it’s a healthy risk I need to take. And the more I practice this spiritual muscle, the stronger it becomes.

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It has been my experience that in a safe environment, vulnerability begets vulnerability. When I admit when I miss the mark (also known as sin), it can have the effect of helping others admit when they too have fallen short of the Glory of God.

One personal example that I struggle with is judgmentalism. We are taught,

“Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2)

I’ve said this before, and it continues to be true for me: if I’m going to be measured with the same measurement with which I measure others, I’m in serious trouble. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.

At times I can judge others and myself quite harshly. Yet Our Savior is patient and kind and gentle with us.

The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. (Psalm 145:8)

When I admit my sin of judgementalism with a safe person, I am leading with my weakness and adding to the atmosphere of safety.

For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10b)

Slowly, one day at a time, I am learning to forgive myself and to become more and more gentle with myself. That phrase, “more and more,” is extremely useful in my life. It feels untrue or even an exaggeration for me to say I am becoming gentle with myself. But if I add that phrase, the sentence reads "I am becoming more and more gentle with myself." And that sentence resonates as true for me. Try it out. The sentence, “I am forgiving those who hurt me” becomes, “More and more, I am forgiving those who hurt me.” I find the phrase quite helpful in my spiritual walk with Our Lord.

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In addition to asking for what I need and sharing vulnerably with safe people, an action I take when I’m feeling lonely is inviting God in. God’s presence is constant. The limiting factor involves me and whether or not I recognize and welcome God into this moment of time in my life. God does not come where He is not invited. It is my task as an evangelist and missionary and baptized child of God answering our universal call to holiness to bring awareness of God’s presence everywhere I go. God is present everywhere. Sometimes awareness of His presence is lacking. Jesus promises,

“I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b)

The fact of His Presence is not in question. It is awareness of this fact that fluctuates. Once when I was in college, I did a guided meditation picturing Jesus walking before me everywhere I walked that day. The most memorable moment for me was envisioning Jesus walking into my college Latin class, where I was struggling at the time. It was such a relief and a delight to acknowledge that Our Lord is present everywhere, even in my Latin class at Catholic U.

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No matter what I’m going through, and no matter what I feel, Jesus is with me. #CatholicMom

Jesus walks before me wherever I go. I can relax. Things are under control. He’s gone before me. He’s got this. No matter what I’m going through, and no matter what I feel, Jesus is with me.