When Life Is Unpredictable

Deanna Bartalini considers how to handle those times when we feel we've lost control of our lives.

A few years ago, my daughter came across a very old family calendar of ours. It was full of orthodontist appointments, scouts, basketball games, music lessons, religious education classes, and birthday parties. And those were the children’s activities. Add in women’s Bible study, leaders' and coaches' meetings, and work — we had lots going on every day.

And I was fine with it all. I thrived. Our family thrived.

I am not fine with it now

In the last few years, I am no longer fine with doing all the activities. Granted, many activities have changed. My children are married with children, making me a grandmother (call me Nonna). My husband and I are responsible for his mother who has dementia.

I sat down in prayer more than once to ask God why I was overwhelmed and unhappy at times. I had always been able to spin many plates and be organized; why was it such a struggle now? And He replied.

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What is different?

Two things have changed. One, I am older. What was once easy to do is not as easy anymore. I need to remember to write things down. I like and need more solitude. Decisions are made in prayer and discernment, not on a wing and a prayer. These are all good habits and can help all of us, no matter our age.

It was the next thing God revealed that floored me. My life has become unpredictable. This is not to say when I was raising my children there were never visits to the emergency room or stomach bugs derailing us. I have lost control of my life. I believed that when I reached this age, I would be doing mostly what I wanted to do while enjoying fun times with my husband, family, and friends.

Not so much. I realized, with God’s help, that I can either fight against the needs of the people in my life or love them. Each emergency teaches me something. I give of myself, and I receive back what I need to keep moving forward.

How does this work?

Decide on what is not negotiable for yourself so you can be present to those in need. My list is this: prayer time, early to bed, exercise, healthy food, stay in touch with friends.

Do I achieve each of these every day? No. Is that okay? Yes. I do the best I can, knowing that if I do none of these things, I will be angry, tired, and unkind. Sometimes prayer time turns into a quick nap with Jesus in my prayer chair and staying in touch is by text. Give yourself grace.

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In the last few months, the unpredictability slowed down and then it ramped up again. I think this is the trend for a season. When will it end? There is no way of knowing.

There is simply facing the challenges with God at my side, surrendering to Him, and asking for the grace I need to be present and love the people in my life.

No matter our age or state in life, our lives can become unpredictable. Learn what you need to get through those times. That is how we become the person God created us to be.

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