When Your Child is Left Out

Katie Fitzgerald reflects on charitably approaching situations where our children are excluded.  

A common question I see Catholic moms asking in groups on social media is how to handle it when our kids are left out. Maybe there’s a birthday party, and your son is the only boy on the team who doesn’t get an invitation. Or maybe your daughter is asked to sleep over at a friend’s house, but her younger sister isn’t included. As parents, we feel immediate sympathy for the left-out child’s feelings, and sometimes all we want is to alleviate his or her disappointment.

This is a natural response, and it’s great to be able to put ourselves in our children’s shoes. But when it comes to helping our kids navigate tricky social situations, we need to focus less on alleviating the disappointment and more on modeling ways to cope with the fact that sometimes things don’t go our way. 

Respond in Charity  

First, it is important to remember to be charitable toward the family or group who, for whatever reason, has chosen not to include your child. When our kids are feeling hurt, it can be so tempting to villainize other parents and adult organizers for causing those feelings, without regard for their reasons. But I’ve never known a mom who planned a party for her child without thinking through the logistics. It’s only fair to give a fellow parent or other adult the benefit of the doubt and assume the reason your child has not been invited is less personal and more practical.

If you want to vent your frustrations, bring them to your spouse or a trusted friend, but with your kids, try not to paint the other family as tormentors and your child as their victim. This doesn’t serve anyone well. Similarly, you’ll want to resist the urge to ask for your child to be invited, or to insist that your child can only attend if a sibling goes as well. We don’t have to like another family’s choices, but our feedback is neither welcome nor appropriate.   

Promote Resilience  

Secondly, being left out gives a child the opportunity to work on his or her resilience. Disappointments are a regular part of life, and while we can’t prevent them, we can cultivate the appropriate attitude with which to meet them. Not being included in a specific event, activity, or party is not something that should be treated like a tragedy. Kids will take their cues from us, and if they see us calling this minor let-down "heartbreaking" or "devastating," they will dial up their emotional reactions to match ours.

It is a fact of life that sometimes other people get to do things we don’t get to do. It’s a bummer, sure, but a very survivable one. The more matter-of-factly we treat disappointments like this, the less kids will feel hurt by them.   

Turn Toward God  

Finally, it is a good idea to remind your kids where their value lies. Being excluded is not a reflection on your child’s worth as a person. Regardless of where else we might sometimes not be welcome, we always belong in our families, and we always belong to God. If we guide our children through life with God and family as the foundation for everything, it will be easy for their self-esteem to bounce back quickly from minor disappointments. 

It’s also worth reminding them that Jesus understands precisely how it feels to be left out and forgotten, and that even small sufferings, like not being invited to a birthday party, can be united with Christ’s suffering on the Cross.  

No one likes to see their children excluded, but by keeping things in perspective and reminding our children that disappointments are minor in the grand scheme of things we can help them to cope better with situations where they have been left out and to look to Jesus for strength in all things. 

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Copyright 2026 Katie Fitzgerald
Images: Canva