Will You Just Hold Still? Part 2

Samantha Stephenson reflects on the truths our wiggly children reveal about ourselves. 

I’m in a wrestling match with our youngest daughter. She is and always has been a dream baby: restful, joyful, full of smiles, and free of fits.  

Until today. 

At just shy of 19 months, she has decided on a zero-tolerance nap policy. She screams in my arms and flails with such force that I’m surprised she hasn’t given herself whiplash.  

A younger me would have felt defeated by this show of force. Four kids in, and this is just Tuesday. I’m unperturbed by this exhaustion-induced fit. I know the signs; her little body is on overload. She just needs rest. I know that if I hold her long enough, she will surrender. Her resistance is futile.  

I sing a soft lullaby, hoping to capture her attention. She screams louder. Sighing, I switch tunes, crooning out her favorite: the theme song to a 1980s baby-songs video from my husband’s childhood that has placated all of my children in their early years. The fashion is better than the music.  

Awaiting the Relief of Silence

For a moment, she feigns disinterest, but I can tell this tactic is working. I repeat the refrain of this song I’ve employed countless times to subdue four babies over the years. Irritating as it is, the sweet relief of the silence that follows has imbued it with a sort of Pavlov’s effect on my psyche. My body begins to relax just before hers goes quiet.  

I can see her eyelids begin to droop, head lulling forward with the slight rock of our chair. The fight is gone. No longer does she push against me. My patience has paid off. The resistance is gone, and she leans in to nurse. The stiffness leaves her body, and her weight settles against me comfortably.  

I move to put her down just a hair too soon, and she protests. I wait, nursing her just a few moments longer.  

In the quiet shadows of her room, I raise my eyes to the heavens and sigh. I let my own body go limp.  

I surrender.  

God has waited me out in these fitful years of my own flailing. He says to rest and be nourished.  

I am ready to receive, Lord.  

Not as I will, but as You will. 

Just don’t put me down just yet. 

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Copyright 2025 Samantha Stephenson
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