Why is it that by the time she was five she had two liver transplants?
Why did I hemorrhage at twenty weeks when I was pregnant with my youngest, Anthony?
I can’t tell you the answer to these, but I can tell you how I got through it.
In a word, it was God.
When I thought I would lose Anthony, I prayed my baby would be safe.
"Dear God," I said, "this is my son. I’m strong enough to care for him if he’s ill, but it would take a much stronger soul to handle losing him."
A few months later I gave birth to a baby boy. Later he was diagnosed with a chronic kidney disease. He, too may be a future transplant candidate.
Someone once asked, "Do you still believe in God after all this?"
Such a question threw me off guard. All my life, including now, I’ve never had a doubt God was real. I never once feared that He’d left me. With all the things happening to Jacqueline, especially at the time of diagnosis, I never felt more like He was with me.
Many others, my husband included, would feel abandoned and ask "Why did God do this to me?"
That thought never occurred to me. I knew in my heart I’d be fine, even if I lost Jacqueline or Anthony, because God was right there. He was holding my hand and walking me through the toughest times of my life.
For every needle that pierced their skin, God was whispering in my ear, "I am with you."
For every surgery they had to endure, God was there drying my tears.
For every late night trip to the Emergency Room, He was my light guiding the way.
Yes, I was scared, but also never felt more safe. I knew no matter what, there was a reason and I'd be okay.
God didn’t abandon me. When he wasn’t holding my hand and walking beside me, He was carrying me like the Good Shepherd carrying the lamb.
An open heart to God, no matter how bruised, is never in danger. We’re all in the same place during our trials. We’re in the palm of the Hand of God. We’re vulnerable, yet the safest we’ve ever been. Terrible things happen in life, but God is there to pull us through.
Copyright 2009 Jennifer Gladen
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