My Annual Job Performance Review

In the corporate world, most receive an annual “Job Performance Review”. Heading into my near 18^th year as a full-time “Domestic Engineer” I realized I’ve never been privy to such an assessment, unless of course the scrutiny I received from the GE repairman about the deplorable conditions lurking behind our fridge count. In that case, I would’ve been fired on the spot and not allowed to collect unemployment or ever purchase a new appliance until I completed a 10-step plan for the proper care of all such equipment.

Luckily, dust bunnies don’t rat me out and those types of instances are “mommy’s little secret”. But in thinking about it, who would the most likely candidate be to perform this evaluation? The two most probable choices would be my husband or my kids. Whoa! That’s not going to work—I mean, my husband is one of the smartest, most caring, respectful, and decent people I know—this lets him off the hook immediately. As for my darling children—I suppose they give me informal reviews on a regular basis with comments like “Is THAT what we’re having for dinner tonight?” Or better yet, by giving subtle gestures like rolling their eyes (when they think I’m not looking) at my exuberant suggestions like spending a Friday night having a family sock matching party or sharing those quiet sighs that the entire neighborhood can hear when I ask for a volunteer to please locate the plunger, as I will be needing it to un obstruct a little clog in the main bathroom, yet again. Yep, they’re out too.

Given that besides our dog, the only ones left would be the deli clerk, the orthodontist or the rubbish removal guys (they know more about what I do in a week than any other human beings on the planet) I think it’s best if I rate my own performance—after all, who knows better than me what I do all week long?

Annual Job Performance Review for Cheryl L. Butler

Length of Time with the Company: 24 years, 18 of them caring for 1, here comes 2, and 3, oh baby now we’re at 4, make that 5, no, I mean 6, strike that 7, final headcount-- 8 precious children.

Current Position Held: Supportive and Loving Wife, Doting Mother, Chief Chauffeur, Culinary Goddess, Sanitation Engineer, Laundry Diva, Homework Supervisor, PTO Maven, Teen Counselor, Queen Boo Boo Kisser, Clutter Rehabilitator, Referee at Large, Bargain Hunter Extraordinaire, Head Honcho of Lost and Found, Cheerleader of all Things Kid Butler, VP of Storytelling, Mayor of Magic Words, CEO of Cookie Baking, Vomit-cleaning Vixen, Duchess of Daydreaming, Stain Master, Magician, Teacher of Anything and Everything that can help make my kids make a difference in this world, Life Saver, Life Giver—WOW—I think I’ll stop there!

Knowledge of Work – Cheryl has gone above and beyond the call of duty in figuring out all phases (and then some) of her dream job. At this point—what she doesn’t know won’t kill her.

Communication – Cheryl has demonstrated high marks in effectiveness in listening to others, expressing ideas, both orally and in writing, and providing relevant and timely information to all those who reside in the household. Whether or not anyone actually listens to her, cannot be held against her.

Decision Making/Problem Solving – Cheryl has pulled off some unbelievable feats when figuring out how to be in 8 different places at once. Though she still hasn’t figured out the art of cloning, she now knows what causes the white laundry to turn pink.

Expense Management – Cheryl is the first to admit that she and the word “budget” were probably not meant to come together in this lifetime. Other than a few bounced checks and forgetting the correct amount for hot lunch and milk money, she’s holding her own.

Personal Appearance – Cheryl remembers “back in the day” when she and current fashion were pretty much one in the same. 18 years and 8 kids later, not so much. Still, she usually never forgets to brush and floss and can disguise a stain or pilled sweater like nobody’s business.

Dependability – Cheryl has never missed a day of work in the past 24 years. She may arrive harried and a bit late, but nothing—nothing can stop her from showing up each day to care for those she loves.

Employees Strengths: Plain and simple—Cheryl loves her family and will continue to serve as devoted wife, mother and homemaker until her vacation home in the Caribbean is ready for occupancy. (Just kidding—just kidding!)

Performance Areas that need Improvement: Hmmm—this is where self-evaluation is tough. Well, not really. If I could recommend any performance enhancement in this most important of jobs that I’ll ever hold in this lifetime, it would be to savor the small things, cut myself a bit more slack each day, not worry about what’s going on behind my refrigerator (boo hiss Mr. GE repairman!), and never forget why I applied for it in the first place—because at the end of the day it’s the only job that furnishes me with unlimited riches and benefits—my family!