IMG_0184 Copyright 2015 Courtney Vallejo. All rights reserved.

Have you ever had a time in your spiritual journey where a topic or thought comes up about God and then suddenly every day there seems to be some sort of mention about it, whether in Scripture or a conversation with a friend, or even in a song on the radio?

For me, the concept of a loving God who sees us as His masterpiece and simply cherishes us, has been on my heart. It's not an easy concept for me as I'm a very action/consequence person. If you mess up, there will be a consequence and people may hold a grudge. I find it hard to wrap my head around the idea that God just loves. I do understand that God can be whatever He is, regardless of what I think He is. That while I sometimes associate the human response of disappointment, with Him, I know factually, that that isn't true. While we as humans have the struggle of being disappointed in people and situations, I know that God loves us regardless.

As I've been pondering the idea of a loving father, who just adores us, God has given me a variety of ways to see it and be reminded of it. I got in the car yesterday after a women's group that of course was about the topic, and I started singing a song when I got in the car. I hadn't been listening to the radio in awhile so I actually caught myself singing and found it strange. I wondered where the song had come from, so I sang the line again, "and just be held." Wow, what a concept huh, so then I got curious and wondered why was I singing this song, what was the Lord showing me something? I tried to remember the rest of the song, and I could only remember the part before it, "Stop holding on and just be held." At first I thought this was a weird concept, why would I stop holding on? I had found myself recently clinging to God and what I had heard in my women's group that night reminded me that while I've been clinging to Him in the hopes of being close to Him and relying on Him, perhaps I was living in a state of petition. My thoughts were constantly of prayers to get me out of each situation, and or fix stuff quickly. Our leader reminded us that we can also live in a time of constant thanksgiving, and how that might create in us more of a state of joy. She brought up the idea that our state of prayer life can show perhaps where we are in our attitude for life. As I pondered on the song more and wondered why it would be telling us to stop holding on, I realized that the answer came in the next line, "And just be held." I admit I was a little taken aback in my car and I realized that in my "holding on" I had been trying to control things. If I just took a second to let go and let the Lord just hold me, I could relax in His love. Holding on and clinging take so much effort, but resting in someone's arms can soothing, relaxing and rejuvenating.

I then pondered on visions of my son. The night before all this happened, he was having a really rough afternoon full of anxiety and as he got ready for bed I told my husband how he was struggling and I thought bedtime would be hard since he had so much pent up energy. My husband went in his room and just picked him up and held him. I could visually see my son's body relax and he just fall against my husband's chest. It was an image that stuck with me and I saw the soothing power of touch. Even though my son is older, I thought maybe this would be a night to sit with him in the rocking chair and again I found myself just holding him and he quickly relaxed and started to fall asleep. He just needed to be held. And so I find myself back at the song lyrics, "Stop holding on and just be held." My challenge for myself is to try a new season, where instead of trying to control things even by the effort of clinging on to the Lord. I realize that I cling as a way to stay close, fearful that if I let go I'll slip away, but I'm realizing that in being held, I'm not letting go of Him, but instead resting with Him and being held by Him. Maybe next I'll learn to let Him take care for me, love me and be in control of my life. Knowing He has me, means I can relax in my father's arms, as my son relaxed in my husband's. "Stop holding on and just be held, just be held. just be held."

Copyright 2015 Courtney Vallejo.
Photo copyright 2015 Courtney Vallejo. All rights reserved.