--- title: The Weight of Pretending description: Growing up, Claire McGarry always thought she was supposed to know it all. Now she realizes that God made us incomplete so we'll go to others, and to Him, for the answers we need. image: https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/1.3.18-The-Weight-of-Pretending-sized.jpg --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2018/01/03/the-weight-of-pretending/#) # The Weight of Pretending Jan 3, 2018 4:30:02 PM  |  by [Claire McGarry](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/claire-mcgarry) ![featured image](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/1.3.18-The-Weight-of-Pretending-sized.jpg) !["The weight of pretending" by Claire McGarry (CatholicMom.com)](http://catholicmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/1.3.18-The-Weight-of-Pretending-sized.jpg) [RGBStock (2010), CC0 Public Domain](http://www.rgbstock.com/photo/mj19udu/Pack+Horses)[/caption] I'm not quite sure why, but I always thought I was supposed to have all the answers. It didn't come from an arrogant place of thinking I knew it all; it came from an insecure place of feeling stupid when I was clueless. It branched out to all areas of my life: current events, career, social interactions, motherhood, you name it. I wasn't completely ignorant. In fact, I graduated college with a high grade point average. It's just that it's impossible to know everything; yet I wasn't confident enough to admit that. So I kept my secret to myself. I never asked clarifying questions because that would reveal how much I didn't know. Instead, I developed a few techniques to compensate. If someone else seemed knowledgeable, and I liked how they responded to certain situations, I'd copy them. If a topic came up I knew nothing about, I'd either subtly guide the other person towards filling in the blanks for me, or I'd casually change the subject. > Because there arose no little dissension and debate by Paul and Barnabas with them, it was decided that Paul, Barnabas, and some of the others should go up to Jerusalem to the apostles and presbyters about this question. *Acts 15:2* In Acts 15, when the question arose whether the Gentiles had to be circumcised according to Mosaic practice or not, Paul and Barnabas didn't know the answer. What I love, and what inspires me, is that they admitted this to everyone. Then they traveled up to Jerusalem to get the right answer from the apostles. If they could admit what they didn't know, why couldn't I? It takes years to undo a life-long defense mechanism. But God wants what's best for us, and will lead us to it if we let Him. He led me to a book club where one woman openly admitted what she didn't know. She'd ask question after question to learn. Although I presumed people would look down on me if I admitted something I didn't know, I found I looked up to her for her courage to go in search of the answers. Additionally, I met countless women on the playground over the years who readily admitted they didn't have a clue about motherhood. This gave me permission to do the same. However, it's in guiding my kids that I've learned to admit my shortcomings the most, and seek out the answers. I don't want to give my kids wrong information when they ask a question. More importantly, I don't want them to carry the weight of pretending that I did for all those years. I learned the hard way how exhausting that is. Instead, I want to role-model for them that it's okay to not know, and to go in search of the answers with confidence. As a result, I now routinely ask my mom, friends, Google, and total strangers for the answers I don't have. Above all, I go to God. Whether I search something out in His Word, or sit quietly listening for His voice, I've found He's the one Who guides me best. He knows me inside and out, backstory and all. He even knows when I'm asking the wrong question and don't even know it. Now I realize we were made to NOT know everything. It causes us to lean on others; which in turn builds community. Above all, it causes us to look to the All-Knowing One, who is always ready and waiting to give us the answers we seek. --- *Copyright 2018 Claire McGarry* ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2018%2F01%2F03%2Fthe-weight-of-pretending%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2018%2F01%2F03%2Fthe-weight-of-pretending%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2018%2F01%2F03%2Fthe-weight-of-pretending%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=The%20Weight%20of%20Pretending) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2018%2F01%2F03%2Fthe-weight-of-pretending%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2018%2F01%2F03%2Fthe-weight-of-pretending%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Claire McGarry](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/Claire%20McGarry.jpg) ### [Claire McGarry](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/claire-mcgarry) Claire McGarry is the author of [Grace in Tension: Discover Peace with Martha and Mary](https://amzn.to/3w2ZEgR), and the Lenten family devotionals [With Our Savior](https://www.creativecommunications.com/Products/FM3TV/with-our-savior-family-devotions-for-lent.aspx) and [Abundant Mercy](https://catholic.creativecommunications.com/Products/AM5TV/abundant-mercy-family-devotions-for-lent.aspx). Claire is a regular contributor to *Living Faith*, and her freelance work has appeared in several books, magazines, and devotionals. She blogs weekly at [Shifting My Perspective](https://shiftingmyperspective.com/), and lives in New Hampshire with her husband and three children. Follow her on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ClaireMcGarryAuthor), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/clairemcgarrywrites/), and [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Claire-McGarry/e/B07NCB7ZKL). [**](https://www.facebook.com/ClaireMcGarryAuthor) [**](https://twitter.com/clairemcgarry2) ## Related Blog Articles [ Persistence Pays Off Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2018/02/07/persistence-pays-off/) [ Praising Him Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2018/09/05/praising-him/) [ Impossible Math Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/impossible-math) ## Comments ## Donate now [![Support Catholic Mom](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545) [![CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png?width=1806&height=731&name=CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png "CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) ##### Subscribe to Catholic Momcast on iTunes or Spotify [![itunes-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/itunes-logo-black.svg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-momcast/id1362352357)[![spotify-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/spotify-logo-black.svg)](https://open.spotify.com/show/15CoipHL7z61IDcYErV0b8?si=hqaQJSxDQgq7S1hxCwsoxQ) ##### CatholicMom on Social Networks [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) ##### About Catholic Mom [Who We Are](https://www.catholicmom.com/about-us) [Contact Us](https://www.catholicmom.com/contact) [Support CatholicMom.com](https://www.catholicmom.com/support-us)   ##### Associated Links [Holy Cross Family Ministries](https://www.hcfm.org/) [Family Rosary](https://www.familyrosary.org/) [Family Theater Productions](https://www.familytheater.org/) [Congregation of the Holy Cross](https://www.holycrossusa.org/) [Father Patrick Peyton, C.S.C.](https://www.fatherpeyton.org/) [The Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life](https://www.peytonfamilyinstitute.org/) ### **Stay connected!** Don’t miss a thing! 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