Tech Talk: Parenting, Teens, and Instagram

• This column featured the musings of a mom who is parenting a fifteen-year-old daughter. She describes her daughter’s increasing isolation within the family, but then shares how a glance at her Instagram gives her a peek into her daughter’s world.
• A few issues raised by the op-ed include teens’ desire for private time to develop their own identity, parents’ desire to have a relationship with their teens, and the new dynamics of relationships when parenting in the digital age.

• I was that teen who received a personal telephone line and a phone with an extra long cord for a birthday in high school. I would take the phone into my closet and chat with friends (and a boyfriend!) for hours each evening.
• This being said, the advances of technology and the studies showing screen time impacts on children’s developing brains adds a new dynamic to an age-old issue.
• One interesting component of this article is that the mother requests “permission” to connect with her daughter’s private Instagram account. This raises the issue of what privileges teens should have when using social media.

• Some users, including teens, create fake Instagram accounts to post items that they do not want made public.
• Per Urban Dictionary, "A finsta is a combination of the words Fake & Insta(gram). When people have a finsta they post pictures they only want their closest friends seeing instead of their regular Instagram (rinsta) followers to see. Usually a girl has a finsta and boys aren't supposed to follow it. Finstas aren't supposed to be taken seriously and it doesn't matter how many posts or followers you have. Finstas are mainly kept private and have funny or clever usernames."

• • Parents should keep an open and trusting conversation with their teens about all things, including use of social media.
  • Avoid the two extremes in overseeing social media behavior: parents who secretly monitor their teens' usage without their knowledge and parents who completely assume their children have no interest in social media.
  • The youth minister counsels that if you are going to monitor their behavior, explain how and why you will be doing this.
  • Do not be afraid to be the parent who is considered “mean” by your child: "Bottom line, don't be afraid to fight for your child, even when that means fighting with them."
  • Jump to more of this youth minister's advice to parents.

• Permit social media usage only in an age appropriate fashion and discuss safe and spiritually healthy use of social media.
• Respect your teen’s boundaries, but counsel them on the real world implications of their behavior.
• Stay abreast of trends in social media.
• Implement family screen time limits.

• • Per Wired, "On Monday, Google announced that an additional bug in a Google+ API, part of a November 7 software update, exposed user data from 52.5 million accounts."
  • Google + is being decommissioned in April, 2019, but users can (and probably should) immediately delete their profile by going to Plus.Google.com/Downgrade and following the instructions to delete their profile.

A Youth Minister's Advice for Parents

“I appreciate you Lisa! For what it's worth, I encourage parents to have open dialogue with their teens. If they are old enough to have that smart phone then they are old enough to hear your very serious and real concerns about who/what you could encounter on the internet. Share with them that you feel they are drifting away from you and you want to be apart of their lives (if you're the mom from that article). Share with them that the whole concept of "guarding your heart" and not sharing too much of who you are with the people who haven't earned that level of trust and respect DEFINITELY applies to the internet. When it comes to respecting their privacy - I encounter two extremes constantly. The mom who doesn't want their kid to know so has all these secret backdoor apps to see what their kid is doing at all times and the mom who thinks there is no way my child even has snapchat so there's no reason to ever check. In my experience, both of these approaches lead to severe wounds for both the teen and parent. In the first scenario, eventually they will find out and will lose all trust in the relationship because they feel betrayed. In the second, their actions and words go unchecked until something truly terrible happens and it gets back to the parent from the school or another concerned parent who checks their childs accounts. In either scenario there is no room for open honest conversation so that you can still parent and guide them as they continue to learn how to navigate life. If you're going to track them, tell them. And explain WHY. That you love them and are concerned and only want to help them so that they can be the best they possibly can. And please, please, please, do NOT be afraid to make them mad at you. That will be temporary, the respect they will have for you after the fact will out weigh the contempt in the moment. Bottom line, don't be afraid to fight for your child, even when that means fighting with them.”