The Gift of Suffering: A Thank-You Letter to God

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Coronavirus Blues

Quarantine.

Isolation.

Virus.

Social Distancing.

Wash your hands ... doo doo doo doo doo doo (or is that just me?).

Are you getting as sick of these terms being thrown around as I am? I am not saying we shouldn't be doing them -- I completely agree that we should! It's what necessary to take care of us all. But, boy, these past few weeks have been more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

I still get a lump in my throat every time I walk into a grocery store and see every single person wearing a mask. I feel like I'm walking onto an apocalyptic movie set instead of doing my usual grocery store trip.

Is this seriously real life right now?

Be Still

I noticed almost immediately after slowing down from this quarantine that it has forced me to face things I was using busyness to run from.

It took a pandemic for me to realize I was trying to avoid the Lord ... again.

There's a reason He says, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:11) We cannot know Him if we are not still, it's impossible!

I've had seasons of stillness and seasons of busyness. And I know which one holds so much more peace, yet sometimes sin and my humanity still drive me to run from that peace.

Having the down time during this isolation made me realize I needed to face old wounds with Him. I needed to stop running because the only way to heal was to actually feel the pain, step on that path and walk through it to the other side where Healing Himself was waiting for me.

Our Lord walked ahead of us through His own pain and suffering to reach our healing at the other end.

One of my wounds surfaced after watching a movie alone one night. I'll simply share my writing in my prayer journal from that night because I know I'm not the only one who suffers from feelings of abandonment. I hope this will help at least one person. 

A Letter from the Heart

My Lord,

I watched a "love story" movie tonight and it stirred an aching in my heart.

I was not focused at all on the main love story but more on the smaller one, the one between the father and daughter.

You know my heart. You know what this triggered in me.

You know how I long for inside jokes, funny texts, and long phone calls with my own dad.

You know how I long for a hug from him, an embrace that echoes "I will never leave you."

You know how I wish I could call him "Daddy."

You know how I wish I could've had the perfect father-daughter dance at mine and my husband's wedding.

I'm not mad at him anymore, Lord, but boy is that wound still so deep.

I've forgiven him, but the abandonment still hurts.

My children will never know their grandpa -- his addiction has too tight of a grip on him.

The sufferings I have encountered in my life are sometimes so painful I can barely breathe, but it's in the midst of those I can hear Your voice most clearly:

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, Jacob, and formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name: you are mine.

When you pass through waters, I will be with you;

through rivers, you shall not be swept away.

When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,

nor flames consume you." (Isaiah 43: 1-2, emphasis added)

My cross feels so heavy lately, Lord. There are so many things that have been pulling me down emotionally, physically, mentally.

This virus, this quarantine, no Mass or Eucharist, online schooling with the kids, no family or church gatherings, being unsure of my husband's job - it's brought me to my knees, Lord!

(This is where the Lord began speaking back to me!)

I've learned, though, through this cross and others, that suffering is the greatest opportunity to collapse into Your arms. 

This is part of my cross I must carry. And, if it leads to knowing You more and loving You more, Lord, it's such a sweet cross.

I recognize suffering now as a gift. It's a reminder that we are not made for this world, but for our heavenly home.

Nothing makes me feel closer to You than in the midst of suffering. You are undeniably close.

Your love is stronger with each new cross.

I thank you for the opportunity to draw closer to you through my cross, through my sufferings. I pray You only increase my ability to see this world through heaven's eyes so I can make this earthly exodus with You as my desired destination each day.

I am to return to You because you say: "You are Mine."

I love you, Lord.

Love, Elaine

A Call to Take Up Our Crosses

Jesus tells us,

If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)

This is actually under the heading "The Conditions of Discipleship." That's how important this is, that we embrace our sufferings so that we can follow Him.

We need to allow ourselves to feel what is heavy on our hearts because it only drives us deeper into Jesus' Most Sacred Heart and His Most Loving Arms.

Escaping from these feelings is escaping from the crosses we are meant to carry while here on earth.

Escaping from our pain is escaping from our healing!

I heard today on the EWTN radio show that "Suffering is Jesus' suffering in us for the sake of His Body and Church." From our sufferings flow graces.

And the greatest graces come by way of the greatest sufferings.

St. Faustina said "If the angels were capable of envy, they would envy us for two things: one is the receiving of Holy Communion, and the other is suffering."

WOW!

Our suffering is not all for nothing, my dear friends! There is not only value in suffering, but GREAT value! Eternal, infinite value, greater than any finite value here on earth.

All of this silence, all of this isolation, it is probably bringing a lot of wounds to the surface for many people right now. We're being forced to drop a lot of the idols we've placed before God, they're no longer available to us. They're no longer walls for us to hide behind when we feel the pain creeping in.

Don't run from your pain, my sweet friend.

It's in that pain that you'll meet Jesus.

Welcome Suffering

We must learn to embrace reality as it is. Jesus is knocking on the doors of our hearts when we're suffering and we keep kicking Him out!

We often hide as He is searching for us, when all our sweet Savior wants to do is save us.

He wants to take our hands and walk us through our suffering, not alone but with Him.

He wants to walk us to the other end of that path where healing from His Light is waiting for us.

Please, allow yourself to sit in the quiet. There are so many people who cannot handle that right now.

Allow yourself to feel whatever pain you've been pushing down.

Grab a journal and begin writing. What has been hurting you? Who has hurt you? Write down if you're overwhelmed (like many of us are right now!), if you're angry, if you're sad, if you're terrified, and don't hold back.

As you write, Jesus sits next to you and listens.

As you cry, He holds you.

He understands our human sufferings. God became man and walked through those sufferings willingly because He loved us that much.

He is the one Person you can completely and fully trust.

He will NEVER abandon you.

This is why I love meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary because it's through those I realize how real Jesus was. His sufferings help me relate to Him each time.

People mocked Him. People hurt Him. People spit in His face.

He lost loved ones to death. He experienced betrayal from His friends. He turned tables in the temple from anger.

Surrender those wounds, those anxieties, surrender it all to Him who wants to carry it for us.

Jesus told St. Faustina that He wants us to trust in Him. That His graces of mercy are dependent upon our trust, our surrender, our willingness to walk through our sufferings with Him.

The more we trust Jesus, the more we will receive.

Breathe, O Breath of God

Finally, this pandemic has reminded me of the Valley of Dry Bones, the vision Ezekiel saw:

The hand of the LORD came upon me, and he led me out in the spirit of the LORD and set me in the center of the broad valley. It was filled with bones.

He made me walk among them in every direction. So many lay on the surface of the valley! How dry they were!

He asked me: Son of man, can these bones come back to life? “Lord GOD,” I answered, “you alone know that.”

Then he said to me: Prophesy over these bones, and say to them: Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD!

Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: Listen! I will make breath enter you so you may come to life.

I will put sinews on you, make flesh grow over you, cover you with skin, and put breath into you so you may come to life. Then you shall know that I am the LORD.

I prophesied as I had been commanded. A sound started up, as I was prophesying, rattling like thunder. The bones came together, bone joining to bone.

As I watched, sinews appeared on them, flesh grew over them, skin covered them on top, but there was no breath in them.

Then he said to me: Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man! Say to the breath: Thus says the Lord GOD: From the four winds come, O breath, and breathe into these slain that they may come to life.

I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath entered them; they came to life and stood on their feet, a vast army.

He said to me: Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel! They are saying, “Our bones are dried up, our hope is lost, and we are cut off.”

Therefore, prophesy and say to them: Thus says the Lord GOD: Look! I am going to open your graves; I will make you come up out of your graves, my people, and bring you back to the land of Israel.

You shall know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and make you come up out of them, my people!

I will put my spirit in you that you may come to life, and I will settle you in your land. Then you shall know that I am the LORD. I have spoken; I will do it — oracle of the LORD. (Ezekiel 37:1-14)

I have had this vision in prayer a few times of a large, brand-new wave of saints stepping on the paths the Lord has prepared for them after this pandemic ends. Will you join that movement?

If we step into our suffering, if we leave our graves full of idols we've placed before God and allow Him to breathe new breath in us, this world will be like never before.

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Dry bones will come back to life. Many will return to the Lord.

He's opening our graves right now, dear friends! Embrace this suffering and accept this gift He's given us.

Will you embrace this gift? The gift of the chance to run into His open arms and walk through life alone no more? The chance for complete healing?

Copyright 2020 Elaine Sinnott