It's Dark Here

[caption id="attachment_172115" align="aligncenter" width="1180"] Image by Irina Iriser (2018), Pexels.com, CC0/PD[/caption]

Like many others, I started this journey in a good place. It was Lent and a good time to offer up suffering. I prayed more, caught up on projects I hadn’t had time for and enjoyed a clear calendar with no pressing appointments. Now, after more than two months, I’m in a darker place.

I am not asking for sympathy, in fact, I debated whether to share … but it occurred to me that maybe someone else needed to know that they were not alone.

I am typically a very joyful person even in the worst of circumstances. (Heck, I even wrote a book on the subject.) I have experienced struggles, tragedies and disappointments in life and yet, I have felt the inner joy that comes from knowing the Lord and trusting his plan. I love my jobs as a wife/mother, writer and coordinator of Christian Formation.

Now, I can’t minister to others in the way I am accustomed, many of the magazines I write for have shut down permanently and I have spent a little too much “together” time with some of my wonderful family. I have always disliked shopping; I desperately want to go shopping. I am a homebody; I need to get out! I miss the Mass so much it hurts. I miss hugging my mom and my adult kids. It feels dark here. My husband had major surgery and I wasn’t even allowed to visit. I’m worn out emotionally and physically.

In trying to process all this, I was reminded of the Scrutiny readings during Lent. I am like the blind man who feels isolated and knows he is missing something, but unsure exactly what the something is. I am like the woman at the well, thirsty for human contact and companionship. I am lying like Lazarus in the dark tomb, waiting to be called out.

These realizations did not make me feel suddenly better, but they did help me realize that Christ will, in His time, call me out of this situation and mood. He will show me the light and what is around me. Christ will call my name at the well and I will rush to tell others what he has done for me! Jesus will call me out of the dark tomb and I will live again. I am praying for all of you, I welcome your prayers as well. God bless.

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Copyright 2020 Mary Lou Rosien