30 Days in Adoration

Melissa Presser reflects on how a challenge to spend 30 days before the Blessed Sacrament changed her life forever.

I had just left my career as an attorney in the criminal justice of almost twenty years when I began to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Change can do that, whether it be a small shift or a large one. Because my departure did not happen the way that I envisioned it to be and included a very difficult and traumatic set of events, I was struggling, both with the expectations I had on God and on myself.

About a year after I grieved this loss, I began to feel a sense of need to heal and find direction. I was doubting the new workplace where I thought God had placed me and I felt lost and unsure. During my prayer time, I had a sense that God was asking me to come before the Blessed Sacrament. This was confirmed through a friend who had also left the criminal justice system and who understood the issues and struggles that were involved.

During our conversation, my friend urged me not to take just one or two days in front of the Blessed Sacrament; instead, he told me, “Give it 30 days. If after 30 days you still want to leave the job, then do it. But at least give God the chance to speak with you.”

I decided that I was going to allow myself the ability to attend to Adoration both in person and via livestream, giving myself the space to cry and heal in private on days I just did not feel strong enough to make it into the chapel. I also decided to bring a journal with me to document my thoughts and what the Lord may share with me. I knew I had nothing to lose.

Going into Adoration with no expectations was key. I also decided to allow myself the space to both feel my emotions and not be afraid to go in any direction that the Lord was leading me. This helped set the stage for a fruitful time with our Lord, and I was excited to start this journey.

Day 1 started innocently enough, I posed lots of questions to God and let Him know where I was at and why I was there. Every day thereafter, I came with different questions or prayers, but somedays I just came with tears. It was no matter to God; He just wanted me to show up as myself.

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In those 30 days there were more twists and turns than I could have ever expected. God was not just speaking to me about the questions and prayers I brought before Him, but also the ones that I did not. That’s when everything shifted.

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You may not know where you are heading, but God certainly does. #catholicmom

We may begin these types of journeys with our Lord with one question or concern which may lead to another. You may not know where you are heading, but God certainly does. This is why it was important for me to remain steadfast and come back each and every day. It was important to see this thing through to the end.

During our time together, the Lord allowed me to go down dead-end roads so that I knew for sure it wasn’t where He was taking me. I felt a bit of sadness, but a great relief that I now had my answer for sure. He also exposed many truths in my life, many of which I didn’t even ask for. But these were a necessary part of my journey so that I could move on in the healing process.

What felt like a spiritual earthquake in the beginning melded into the calmest of waters towards the end. And on day 30 not only did I have the answer to the reason I had started this journey in the first place, but I also had new direction. As I closed the 30 days, I knew where I was going. The Lord had cleared the debris off the road. It was time to heal.